


Hope In Front of Me

by geekymoviemom



Series: Paths of Kyber [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Ben Solo Deserved Better, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo has PTSD, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Pregnancy, Protective Ben Solo, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Has PTSD, Rey deserved better, Sexual Content, Soft Ben Solo, Soulmates, The Force Ships It, awkward space virgins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-02-22 23:48:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 36,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23402353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekymoviemom/pseuds/geekymoviemom
Summary: Light always shines brightest in the darkest of places, and hope is always brightest during the bleakest of times.Ben and Rey had spent their entire lives daring to cling to only the tiniest threads of hope, not understanding where it was coming from until they finally saw it in each other.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Paths of Kyber [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683421
Comments: 87
Kudos: 188
Collections: TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics, The Rise of Skywalker: Fix-It Fic Edition





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion piece to my story A Crystal Path. However, it is not necessary to have read that story to understand this one. 😊

**_36 hours post-Exegol_ **

_Kylo sensed the girl before he even saw her, crouching like a frightened rabbit between two thick rows of trees, a blaster clutched awkwardly in one hand as she attempted to keep away from him. The terrain was unfamiliar to her, causing her to gasp with each of her unsteady steps, her leg muscles protesting the lack of give in the forest floor even as they wobbled in fear underneath her._

Good, _he thought, his lips curling into a sneer behind his mask. Kylo far preferred it when his prisoners were already scared. It made his job that much easier._

_He was getting closer now, so close he could practically smell the sand embedded in the scavenger's skin. Taking hold of his lightsaber, Kylo rounded a corner and ignited it, immediately blocking two successive shots from the girl's blaster. She let out a soft shriek as she fired again, quickly scrambling up a small incline as he followed, the warbling buzz from his shimmering crimson blade an eerie backdrop against the tranquility of the surrounding forest._

_As soon as he appeared over the incline the girl fired again, her face twisting into a look of pure terror as he continued to advance, deflecting every shot from her blaster until he decided that he'd had enough and raised his free hand, freezing her in place._

_And still she continued to struggle, which Kylo found more than a bit amusing. No one had ever managed to break free of one of his Force holds._

" _The girl I've heard so much about," he said as he approached her, lightsaber at the ready._

 _She only glared at him in response._ Such defiance, _he thought._ Especially from a lowly scavenger.

" _The droid," he continued, thrusting his blade so close to the girl's cheek that it illuminated her smooth, sun-kissed skin. "Where is it?"_

_But the girl didn't answer, her wide eyes trained on the lightsaber blade even as her upper body continued to shake, her stubborn defiance only fueling his desire to break her._

" _Where is it?" he asked again, gritting his teeth. Kylo was beginning to lose his patience, especially since from the sounds of things the skirmish was not going particularly well. "The droid? Where is it?"_

_But then, to his utter shock, the girl suddenly turned her head and looked him straight in the eye, her brow furrowing in concern._

" _Ben, it's all right. I'm right here," she said, so kindly that it was almost painful. "I'm not afraid of you."_

" _What did you say?" Kylo practically roared, seething in fury at the mere mention of the name that he had tried so hard to bury, a name he hadn't heard in so long that he was shocked he'd still recognised it._

" _Ben, it's all right," she said again, more emphatically this time, her hands somehow breaking free from his Force hold and reaching towards him. Kylo flinched as her beautiful lips curled into a smile, his entire upper body trembling as she rose onto her tiptoes and drew back his black hood. Then she grasped onto his mask, tenderly lifted it from his head and tossed it off to the side._

" _You don't need that anymore, remember?" she murmured as she cupped his cheeks in her tiny hands, her thumbs brushing across his cheekbones. She had such a beautiful, melodic voice, like that of the mythic space angels he'd heard about as a young child. "No more masks. I only want to see the real you."_

_Stunned, Kylo could only gape at her, his mind racing for an appropriate retort and finding nothing._

" _No," he finally spat out, his lower lip quivering as he shoved her hands off his face, slowly backing away from her touch. "No, you don't. No one wants to see the real me."_

" _But I do," she insisted, her tone leaving no room for argument. Her eyebrows knitted together as she reached for him again, looking straight into his eyes. "It's only a bad dream, Ben. You need to wake up."_

" _What?" demanded Kylo as fear clamped down from all around him, squeezing him so hard that his left side began to hurt. "What are you talking about?"_

_His foot slipped then, and he hissed in pain as his ankle gave way, the resulting snapping noise so loud that it echoed against the surrounding trees. He let out a stifled groan, tears burning his eyes as he bit down hard on his bottom lip, trying to channel the pain towards the hatred he was supposed to feel but only managing to make the pain that much worse._

" _Ben, please wake up!" the girl pleaded, gently shaking his shoulders. "Please, you're only hurting yourself more!"_

" _Stop calling me that!" Kylo yelled. "That's not my name! Ben Solo is dead!"_

_The girl pursed her lips, eyeing him in such a no-nonsense fashion that he froze, trying to tear his gaze away from her but unable to do so._

" _No, he is not," she stated. "Ben Solo is alive, and I know that because he's here, right in front of me. You just need to wake up! Now!"_

Ben awoke with a start, gasping for breath against the searing pain in his left side as his eyes flicked nervously around the room, finally landing on the girl's worried face.

"It's all right, Ben, I'm here," she murmured as she held his left hand between her own, her fingertips trailing softly along his knuckles. "You're safe now."

A cold sweat broke out across Ben's forehead, his eyebrows knitting together as he struggled to remember where he was and how he'd arrived there.

And not three rapid heartbeats later it hit him, the rush of memories barrelling towards him like an out-of-control speeder.

The second Death Star wreckage on Kef Bir. Dueling with Rey. Hearing his mother call out to him through the Force right before Rey stabbed him with his own lightsaber. Rey healing his mortal wound with tears streaming down her face, and then telling him that she did want to take his hand, but only if he was Ben Solo, not Kylo Ren.

She cared about _him._ Not the power he held or what he could offer her, just _him._

The events continued to whip through his mind in a blur. The memory of his father telling him that yes, he did have the strength to do what he needed to do. Making his way to Exegol. Facing down the Emperor. The nearly paralysing panic he felt when he could no longer sense Rey. The excruciating climb from the pit. Hugging Rey's dead body close. His elation as she woke in his arms, followed by confusion when he opened his eyes to find her staring down at him, her beautiful face twisted in worry.

Their _kiss_ , a moment that will be branded onto his memory forever and ever.

Their harrowing escape from Exegol as the massive cathedral collapsed around them, with Rey having to practically drag Ben because of his broken leg.

Their arrival on Coruscant, and watching in awe as Rey bartered with the kind Togrutan innkeeper for food, clothing, and medical supplies to treat his injuries.

The sheer gentleness of her touch as she then proceeded to help him clean up, blotting his face and body clear of grime and blood and applying the precious Bacta patches to heal his broken bones.

And then, after he'd insisted that she take care of herself as well, having her crawl into his arms and lay her head down on his chest, her hand cupping his shoulder and her warm breath against his neck as he drifted off to sleep.

The Emperor was dead and the First Order was in disarray.

And Rey was with him.

 _Hope isn't dead,_ Ben thought. _It's right in front of me._

"Rey," he forced past his tight throat, followed immediately by a harsh puff of air. His good arm was still curled around her slender waist, and he pressed her even closer to him, so close he could feel her heart thudding against his side. "I'm—I'm—"

"You're safe, Ben," she said again as she brushed the sweaty hair from his forehead. "It was just a bad dream."

_It was just a bad dream._

"Rey," he said, the name like honey on his tongue. "Rey, you're—you're here. You're—"

"Yes, I'm here." Rey cupped his cheek in her hand, her tiny hand that was still so incredibly strong. "Tell me what you need. Something to drink?"

Ben sucked in a deep breath, shaking his head.

"No. I just… I just…" Tears stung his eyes as he recalled the terror on Rey's face the first time she saw him, back on Takodana.

He had frightened her so back then, and now—

"Shh," Rey whispered as she trailed her fingertips along his jaw. "Let the past die, right?"

Ben gave a nod, squeezing his eyes closed as he drew in another shuddering breath, revelling in the soft touch of her fingers against his cheek. Through the Force he could sense her, sense her concern for him, her compassion.

And, dare he admit, her _desire._

Even if he couldn't quite believe that his eyes weren't deceiving him, he could still sense it as easily as he could feel the throbbing pain in his leg and ribs.

Rey cared for him. Maybe even _loved_ him.

And for someone who had for so long been conditioned to live in the complete absence of emotion, feeling such strong emotions now was all so unfamiliar that Ben wasn't quite sure how to handle it.

"That past, yes," he said. "But I don't think it's gonna be that simple."

"It's all right, Ben," Rey murmured. "We'll figure it out."

"We," Ben said as his eyes flew open. Rey was still there, still looking at him with such tenderness that he almost couldn't bear it.

"Of course," Rey said, a soft smile spreading across her lips. "I wouldn't be here with you if I didn't want to be."

"I know you wouldn't," Ben replied, almost without thinking. He'd seen enough of Rey in action to know that no one could make her do anything that she didn't want to do.

"But it still surprises you?" she asked.

Ashamed, Ben tore his gaze away, his lower lip shaking. Rey could have walked away, left him behind in that collapsing temple without a backward glance and gone back to the Resistance, to the hero's welcome that she deserved, and he would've understood completely.

It's what she _should've_ done.

But she didn't. She chose to stay with him, to run with him. To care for him.

She chose _him_.

"Yes," he said, so softly that Rey probably had to sense it rather than hear it.

Rey nodded, still caressing his cheek. "I hope it won't always," she said. Then she poured a bit of water onto a cloth and gently blotted his forehead, her touch so feather-light that Ben felt his pain begin to ebb away, replaced by what felt like butterflies fluttering inside him.

The very same sensation that he'd felt when she kissed him.

"You were pressing against the wall with your injured leg, that's why it's hurting again," Rey said as she carefully repositioned his bandaged leg. The bunk they were sharing was short, too short for Ben to stretch out in completely. Rey had propped his leg up on a spare pillow before they went to sleep, but in his thrashing about during his dream it must have fallen off.

"Are you sure you don't want something to eat or drink?" she asked.

"No," Ben said. He wasn't hungry in the slightest. Not for food, anyway.

"All right. Do you think you'd like to go back to sleep, then? It's still pretty dark outside."

"Is it—can I hold you again?" he shyly asked. For someone who had spent so much of his life avoiding human contact, he suddenly was craving it more than he'd ever craved anything in his life.

Craving _her._

Rey instantly smiled, so brightly that it lit up the entire dim room like a burst of sunshine through a sky full of clouds.

"Yes," she said as a soft pink flush crept up her cheeks. "Yes, I'd like that."

Carefully, so as not to jostle him, Rey curled back up next to him, her head resting on his chest, over his heart with Ben's arm wrapped around her lithe body, holding her as tightly as he dared.

 _She's here,_ he thought _. She's here with me because she wants to be._

"That's right," Rey whispered against his chest, and Ben gave a slight start. He still wasn't quite used to how strong their bond had grown.

Emboldened, Ben brought his free hand to her cheek, tipping her chin up as his eyes swept across her radiant face, landing on her beautiful plush lips. She was so small compared to him that his hand encompassed nearly the entire side of her head.

So small, and yet she was the strongest person that he had ever seen.

"Is it okay if I—if I kiss you?" he whispered.

Ben sensed her "yes" before he even heard it, his breath hitching when her small hand glided up his chest to his neck as she brought her lips to his, pressing them together in a gentle kiss. Sensation immediately flooded his body, both on his own accord and from across their bond, chasing away the rest of his pain and replacing it with something still so foreign to him that he almost didn't recognise it.

_Peace._

And desire. A _lot_ of desire.

So much that it almost frightened him.

"It's all right, Ben," Rey whispered once they broke apart, their foreheads pressed together. "You're not alone anymore."

Ben's heart lurched at her tone, so unabashedly _loving_ , and suddenly he found himself wanting to tell her so badly, to tell Rey exactly how he felt about her. To say the words out loud, shout them from the rooftops if he had to.

But he'd never been very good with words, not with Rey, at least, and that plus the small, lingering voice inside his head, the one that constantly whispered that he'd never be good enough, never be worth anything or deserve anything, much less the love of a wonderful woman, halted him.

So he didn't.

He'd tell her soon, though. He wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to keep it inside him.

Then again, knowing Rey, she likely already knew.

"No, I'm not," he replied as he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead before tucking her head under his chin. "And neither are you."

And if he had his way she would never be alone again. And neither would he.

_Hope isn't dead. It's right in front of me._

* * *

_**I’m on tumblr at[geeky-writes](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geeky-writes) and [geekys-starwars](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geekys-starwars%20), stop by and say hi! 😊 ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t wait to see what you think! Please don’t forget to hit the kudos button and leave me a comment! 💖


	2. Part 2

_**14 days post-Exegol** _

"There," Ben said softly into Rey's ear, pointing to a small clearing in the dense forest. "That should be big enough to hide the ship."

"And you're certain that no one will find it?" Rey asked as she gently set the battered X-wing down. She and Ben had fixed up the ancient fighter as best as they could before departing from Coruscant, but with their limited resources for new parts combined with the lack of materials available for such an old X-wing, the ship was still pretty rickety.

"Not out here," Ben said. "The only inhabitants this deep in the forest are animals, and it stretches on for days in all directions. The ship will be safe."

"All right." Opening the canopy, Rey hoisted herself up to her feet, leaning forward so Ben could unfold himself from the cockpit. The X-wing was a bit of a tight fit for one person, much less two, and especially when one of them was over six feet tall.

Not that Rey hadn't enjoyed being practically plastered to Ben during the flight. On the contrary, she had not yet turned down any excuse to be close to him, and in fact had invented more than a few of her own over the course of their time on Coruscant, a thought that she must have broadcasted a bit louder than she realised when she noticed that Ben's ears were turning red.

"It's so beautiful here," Rey said as Ben gathered their things from the droid's hold and tossed them onto the ground, jumping down after them and holding out his hand for her to follow. She closed her eyes once she landed, breathing in the delicious scents of the forest. She remembered the first time she'd ever seen a real forest, on Takodana, and how light-headed she'd felt at first, not used to such thick, oxygen-laden air.

"Yes, it is," Ben said, smiling as he pressed a quick kiss to her forehead. He'd been doing that a lot lately, ever since she had informed him that he no longer needed to ask her permission every single time, and it never failed to make Rey smile.

The added effect of imagining the look of pure shock on the faces of all of Ben's old First Order subordinates may have helped a bit as well.

"What's so funny?" Ben asked when Rey let out a soft giggle, prompting her to giggle even louder as she slipped her arms around his waist.

"I'm just trying to imagine the expression on General Hux's face if he'd ever learned that you know how to braid hair," Rey said, snickering as Ben's cheeks flooded with pink. "Do you think it's something that he would've kept to himself, had he known?"

"Are you kidding? Absolutely not," Ben said, and relief washed over Rey as his own smile grew to mirror hers. She had been especially careful with mentioning much of anything regarding the First Order, trying to avoid triggering any further unpleasant feelings in Ben. He was still having a lot of trouble sleeping for any decent length of time, and while she realised that was likely going to be the case for at least the near future, it still pained her.

She had noticed, though, that Ben's mood had been considerably lighter ever since they'd left Coruscant, which she took as a very good sign. They had only just landed on Naboo and it was already agreeing with him.

"Well, then he definitely missed out," Rey said as she rose onto her tiptoes for a kiss. Ben had braided her hair for her just that morning before they'd left, as a matter of fact, and Rey was still in awe of the way he could somehow manoeuvre those long fingers of his through her baby-fine hair and end up making her look and feel like a real-life princess.

Then again, since Ben's mother had been an actual real-life princess, maybe that meant that Rey could be one as well.

"So, what made you choose this place?" she asked him once they'd gathered up their things, which amounted to little more than a couple changes of clothes, a few blankets, and a bit of food and water. She slung her satchel over her shoulder, her brand-new lightsaber with the bright yellow blade already hanging from her belt, courtesy of the kyber crystal she'd discovered hidden deep inside the ruins of the old Jedi temple on Coruscant.

The crystal that she had healed, having found it nearly broken in two.

She and Ben had already decided to bury Luke and Leia's lightsabers when she first heard her crystal's call, a faint voice floating on the wind that at first had frightened her enough to insist that Ben not accompany her when she went looking for it, out of fear that it would somehow make his already horrible nightmares even worse. He had tried to argue with her, of course, but since his leg hadn't yet been completely healed she had won easily, reminding him that she could more than take care of herself.

She had done so for most of her life, after all.

Poking through the ruins of the once-magnificent temple had definitely been something, similar to her climb through the destroyed Death Star on Kef Bir and yet at the same time a very sharp contrast. For while her struggle to reach the Wayfinder hidden deep within the ruins of the Death Star had been laced with an overwhelming sense of dread combined with remnants of lingering pain and terror from the battle between Master Luke and the Emperor, her climb through the abandoned temple had been made on the premise of hope.

 _Hope isn't dead,_ she had thought, over and over again as she searched through the dust-covered wreckage. _It's right in front of me._

And then, hidden underneath what had once been a section of an ornately carved bookshelf, she had discovered the crystal. Battered and broken, but still clinging to life.

Just as she had been when Ben had healed her, and just as Ben had been when Leia made her final sacrifice through the Force to bring him back.

Setting down her staff, Rey had carefully plucked the crystal from its hiding place, cradling it in her hand as she settled herself down and closed her eyes, breathing slow, deep breaths as she drew upon the Force to help her heal the precious gem. Time seemed to disappear as she poured all of her concentration into the crystal, slowly knitting it back together in the same way that she had healed Master Luke's broken lightsaber and Ben's lethal wound, and gasping in awe once she reopened her hand to find that it had transformed from its original green colour into a brightly glowing yellow.

A colour of _hope._

Hope wasn't dead, it was right in front of her.

Ben had been truly frantic by the time she'd returned to him, pacing back and forth in their tiny room on a leg that wasn't yet healed such that he'd practically pounced on her as soon as she stepped through the door, burying his nose into her hair and hugging her so tightly that she could barely breathe, something that continued on through the rest of that night.

And as such, he had absolutely insisted on accompanying her back to the temple ruins a of couple days later for her to assemble her lightsaber, a demand to which Rey had relented in the hopes that she would never have to see Ben that worried again.

"My mother used to bring me here a lot when I was a child, mainly for political work," Ben replied. He shot her an odd look, one of concern mixed with comfort. "Since this was the birthplace of Emperor Palpatine, she wanted to make sure that the New Republic established diplomatic relations as quickly as possible."

Rey's teeth instinctively clenched at the mention of the name that she had already come to despise more than anything she ever thought possible. Ben had confessed shortly after their arrival on Coruscant that revealing her long-buried heritage to her had been one of the most difficult things he'd ever done—on par with killing Supreme Leader Snoke—because he had known how hard it would be for her to have to hear it.

And then he had immediately gone on to say, in his own endearingly stumbling way, that her bloodline didn't get to dictate who she was as a person or change who she already was, but that it was only who she was on the inside that mattered.

Which, for someone who had struggled for most of his life with his own often overbearing legacy, had been a pretty brave thing for him to say.

"That was probably very smart of her to do that," Rey said quietly.

"It was," Ben agreed. He reached for her hand, squeezing it gently. "But I'd always suspected that there were other, more personal reasons why we kept coming back here. It was almost as though she had felt drawn here, even though she couldn't explain why."

"Drawn through the Force?" Rey asked.

"Yes, but it wasn't until several years later that she discovered the truth. Or rather, Master Luke discovered the truth and then told her."

"And what was that?"

"That her mother was from here as well—she and Luke's birth mother." Ben's fingers tightened around Rey's. "And she was royalty."

"Oh." Rey attempted a smile as she glanced up at him, the bright sunbeams shining against his beautiful raven hair. "So then you really are a prince, hmm?"

Ben gave her a funny look, shrugging his shoulders in a way that reminded her so much of his father that Rey had to do a double-take.

"Yeah, I guess so," he said. "But I'm pretty sure no one's going to care too much about that if I'm discovered here, which means—"

"Which is just fine with me," Rey said firmly.

"I know," Ben said quickly, his throat bobbing as he swallowed. "But I still think—"

Rey silenced him by brushing her fingers across his lips. "We are not having that argument again," she said. "I am exactly where I want to be and that is that."

Ben's chin quivered as he nodded, his dark eyes glassy.

"Good. And that's the last I want to hear of it, all right?"

"Yes," Ben murmured. Rey smiled up at him as she brought her fingers up to his cheekbone, trailing her thumb across it, her heart fluttering when Ben tilted his head into her palm and closed his eyes. His black eyelashes were so long that they didn't even look real against the paleness of his skin, the light smattering of freckles across his face only enhancing his natural, striking beauty.

_But, Rey, I—_

"Shh," she whispered. "No more."

_All right._

"Thank you," Rey said, followed by a kiss to the underside of his jaw. "Now, where would you like to bury the sabres?"

Ben pursed his lips as he looked around, settling on a pair of trees a short distance away. Over the years of their growth their branches had become intertwined, such that from Rey's vantage point it appeared that any attempt to separate them would cause them both considerable damage.

It was something she had thought about more than once, especially since the battle on Crait; how things might have been different if Luke and Leia hadn't been separated at birth.

 _It doesn't work to dwell on the past, sweetheart, remember?_ she heard across their bond, another burst of warmth spreading across her chest at the endearment. Like Ben, Rey still wasn't quite used to the idea of being important to someone. Having spent so much of her life alone, it was still difficult for her to wrap her mind around the fact that she was not only part of something so special that it had been unseen for generations, but that she had been part of it the whole time, before she'd even known that Luke Skywalker was an actual person and not only a myth.

"I know," she said, squeezing his hand.

At the foot of the trees Rey took the lightsabers from her satchel, already wrapped in a piece of linen cloth and tied with a thin leather strap. Together she and Ben placed them on the ground, their hands hovering over them as they closed their eyes, calling on the Force to lower them deep into the soil where they would never be found again.

It was their way, Rey thought, of returning the twins to their mother.

After several moments of silence, in which Rey felt as though she could sense Luke and Leia smiling down on them, she stepped back, taking Ben's hand as she looked up at him expectantly.

"Shall we be off, then?"

Shielding his eyes with his hand, Ben looked towards the sky, attempting to get his bearings. He had told Rey about the small cabin that he'd built as a child, out in the woods outside of the main city, where he believed would be a good place for them to hide while the galaxy settled down, an idea to which Rey had readily agreed. Aside from the destroyed Jedi temple Coruscant had not been a very pleasant place, far too populated for Rey's taste, so when Ben had suggested they leave and settle somewhere else long-term once he was healed she had pounced on it.

"It's this way," he said, jerking his head in the direction that led parallel to the sun's course across the sky. "It's going to be a pretty long walk though."

"That's all right," Rey replied. "I'm looking forward to it."

~~~~~

Ben hadn't been lying when he'd said it would be a 'pretty long walk', as it ended up taking them almost three days to arrive at the small log cabin, built near a clump of tall trees and shorter shrub-like bushes that were covered in bright blossoms of pink, red, and yellow, and only a short distance away from an absolutely beautiful river. Rey could sense Ben's growing trepidation as they approached, trepidation that was only slightly relieved at Rey's sharp gasp of joy once they came upon it.

It was small, yes, and definitely needed some work after sitting dormant for so long, but for Rey, who couldn't remember ever having a real, true home to call her own, it was absolutely perfect.

"Oh," she breathed as a wide smile stretched across her face. "Ben, it's _perfect!"_

"It is?" Ben asked, incredulous. "I mean, it's so tiny, and I'm not even sure—"

"Yes, it is," Rey insisted. She dropped her pack at Ben's feet, hurrying over to the little cabin and trailing her hand across the outside wall next to the door. "And you built this all by yourself?"

"I tried to at first," Ben answered, rather sheepishly. "But when that didn't go too well Chewie offered to help me. He's the one who got it so it was able to stay upright for longer than a few minutes." He reached for Rey's pack, slinging it across his free shoulder. "Let's see if there's anything left on the inside."

It took a few moments for Ben to get the door to open, but once he did and they stepped inside, Rey's smile grew even wider. Anything they could've needed was already there, including a small table with two chairs and a bed tucked against the wall, directly opposite the rectangular window.

There was even an old-fashioned oil lamp resting on the table, which Ben explained he had used when it got too dark outside for him to continue his reading or writing.

She turned to Ben, who was still standing ramrod-straight in the very centre of the room, radiating nervousness and skepticism.

"C'mon, then," she said, reaching for his hand. "Let's get to work."

Ben's shoulders relaxed slightly as he nodded. "Okay."

Surprisingly, even though the interior was covered with about twenty years of dust and cobwebs, the cleaning process went remarkably fast. Rey threw herself into the work, washing down the walls and floor and dusting the surfaces, while Ben took the thin mattress over to the nearby river to soak clean, built a small outdoor fresher contraption, and cleared away some of the brush near the front to make room for a circular fire pit, lining it with stones. He also taught Rey how to set various snares to trap animals for food and built them each a fishing rod so they could fish in the river, showing Rey how to cook them over the fire.

And every single night she fell asleep in the warm cocoon of Ben's strong arms, the soothing sound of his heartbeat beneath her ear and the words she was still too shy to say reverberating through her mind.

Rey had always been a rather impulsive person, relying mainly on her instincts rather than long, drawn-out thought processes that she'd so rarely had the luxury of thinking. Her instincts had served her well growing up on Jakku, where every single day was a literal struggle to survive, as well as during her time with the Resistance and her training with Master Luke and Leia.

Those same instincts had also served her well when she made the choice to leave Exegol with Ben. With the massive Sith temple collapsing around them there had been no time to make a conscious decision once Ben woke up. She simply helped Ben to his feet, wrapped her arm around his waist, and started dragging him towards the X-wing, asking him where they should go once they were safely inside the ship.

She hadn't had to think about it at all, it had just been the right thing to do. She and Ben were a dyad in the Force, two that were one, and that meant they were supposed to be together.

And yet, Rey still sensed Ben's frequent tremulous thoughts and feelings of unworthiness even as they continued to grow closer. She had informed him that he no longer needed to ask permission to hold her hand or kiss her while they were still on Coruscant, and yet even as their goodnight kisses—and their good morning kisses, and good afternoon kisses, and just general I-feel-like-kissing-you-kisses—had grown more frequent and heated, she could still sense that Ben was nervous about possibly pushing her too far.

Which, while she found it rather sweet that Ben was allowing her to call all the shots, if the ever-growing desire that sparked across her body with nearly every single one of their touches was any indication, Rey was already beyond ready to take the next step. Ben was her Force mate, her other half, the one she'd been destined for, and she knew without a doubt that she loved him with every fibre of her being.

She also knew that she wanted him so badly that it was almost painful, and while she could appreciate Ben's efforts to control himself, she had already decided that they were no longer necessary.

They were sitting outside next to the fire pit, watching the sun set behind the tall trees as they finished their evening meal. It had been absolutely delicious, fresh fish that Ben had caught earlier in the day seasoned with herbs that Rey had found and some berries from a nearby berry bush for dessert. Rey sighed happily, popping the last of her berries into her mouth as she leaned her head on Ben's shoulder, breathing in as his arm automatically wound around her waist, tucking her as close as possible.

"Are you sleepy?" he asked, gently kissing her forehead. "We worked pretty hard today."

"No, I'm not tired," Rey said as she tipped her head back, pressing a soft kiss under Ben's chin and smiling as he shivered. "Not yet."

She felt Ben's heart skip a beat as she crawled into his lap and cupped his face in her hands, his arms tightening around her as she looked into his beautiful brown eyes, already darkening in the fading light.

"Rey? Are you—?"

"I love you," she choked out, rushing the words so fast she nearly tripped over them. Fear instantly seized her, her heart thudding madly in her chest when Ben's eyes went as wide as saucers, his expression completely dumbfounded.

"Rey," Ben finally said, sounding so positively _wrecked_ that a sharp bolt of relief laced with pleasure shot through her body, one so strong that Ben gasped, his hands spaying across her back to press her closer. "Rey, I—"

"I'm done waiting," she cut in. "I spent my whole life waiting, my whole life looking back instead of forward, and I'm not going to do it again." She trailed her fingers from Ben's temple down to his quivering chin, brushing away the single tear that rolled down his cheek. "I'm done waiting and I'm done running because I've chosen _you._ My place is with you."

Again Ben only stared at her, a second tear slowly trailing down his cheek as he sucked in a deep, shuddering breath. Across their bond Rey could sense his internal conflict as it raged, pegging the love and desire he felt for her against his own toxic feelings of worthlessness.

_I'm a monster, Rey. You deserve so much better._

"No, Ben," she whispered, brushing a soft kiss across his lips. "Please, don't think like that. There's no way I'd be here if I thought that."

"I know you wouldn't," he said. He pressed his forehead to hers, gliding his hands up her back. "I just… Rey, I've managed to destroy every single I've ever loved, and if—if I somehow did that to you, I'd—I'd never—"

"No," Rey said firmly. "That's not going to happen."

Ben's tears were flowing freely now, his breaths ragged as he tucked a stray hair behind Rey's ear.

"You're sure?" he whispered.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," Rey stated, punctuating her statement with a firm kiss to his lips. "I love you, and I want you. I want everything."

As soon as the words left her mouth Ben let out a growl, one large hand reaching to cup her cheek so he could capture her lips while his other hand slid down her body to her bum, squeezing her impossibly closer. Rey gasped as Ben swiped his tongue across her bottom lip, her lips instinctively parting to let him in, the spark in her chest quickly flaring into a roaring conflagration as his tongue met hers.

"Ben," she rasped as Ben's lips tore away from her mouth, trailing kisses down her jaw to her neck, pausing on her pulse point as her fingers threaded through his soft-as-silk hair. "Ben _please!"_

"Rey," he sighed against her skin. "My beautiful Rey."

"Yes, I'm yours," she murmured. "And you're mine."

"Yes, I am," he said as he rose to his feet, carrying her into their cabin and laying her down so reverently onto their bed that tears sprang to her eyes.

Even without words Rey could see it, could sense it as Ben's eyes trailed up and down her body.

_I love you, Rey. I've loved you for so long._

"I love you too," she said as she reached for him, pulling him down on top of her. She slipped her hands underneath his shirt, gliding her palms up the soft skin of his back as his lips found hers again, his tongue plundering her mouth.

"Off," she said against his lips, tugging impatiently on his shirt. Ben quickly complied, pulling the shirt off over his head and tossing it onto the floor, Rey's breath hitching as she ran her hands all along his beautiful broad chest and strong arms.

 _Mine,_ she thought.

 _Yes, I'm yours,_ she heard in reply. _Everything I am is yours._

"And everything I am is yours," Rey whispered as she reached for the hem of her tunic, desperate to feel Ben's skin against hers. "All of me."

"No, let me," Ben said as he stilled her hand, drawing the tunic up her abdomen and over her head. She had stopped wearing her usual chestband while they were on Coruscant, discovering that she preferred the comfort of regular camisoles now that she had access to them.

"Oh _Rey,"_ Ben rasped, his tongue poking out to wet his lips as he peeled the final layers of her clothing away, his eyes so lust-blown they appeared completely black. "You're—you're just _exquisite."_

A sudden wave of shyness washed over her, and she turned her head away, fighting the urge to cover herself with her arms. Years of poor nutrition combined with excessive physical activity had stunted both her growth and her development, leaving her with little of anything that she might have called curves.

"No, sweetheart, don't," Ben murmured as he settled over her, one large hand gliding up to palm her breast. "You're perfect."

He kissed her again then, moving his lips against hers first gently, then more fervently as Rey brought her knees up to bracket his hips, moaning as his still-clothed erection made contact with her throbbing centre. Her entire body felt like an overloading circuit, sparking with every single touch of Ben's hands and lips.

"Ben," she said on a gasp as he trailed his lips down her neck to her breast, circling her nipple with his tongue before taking it into his mouth. She buried her fingers into his thick black hair as he kissed across her chest to her other breast, closing his mouth around it as his other hand trailed down her abdomen to her pelvis, tracing along her hip bone.

"Please," Rey begged, squirming as Ben's fingers paused and he pulled back to look at her. The ache between her thighs was almost unbearable now, an insatiable hunger that only he could satisfy. "Ben, _please,_ touch me!"

Ever since she had first touched Ben's bare hand through their Force bond Rey had been fascinated by them. Just like the rest of him, Ben's hands were beautiful. They were always warm, with long, slender fingers and so large that they covered almost her entire back when he held her.

And Rey had never felt more protected and safe than she did when Ben was holding her.

And now, as he stretched out on their bed next to her, raining feather-light kisses all along her face and neck as he slipped those glorious fingers between her legs and touched her, Rey couldn't help but cry out as he brought her to such an incredible height of pleasure that for a few moments she felt as though she had become her own Force ghost, watching over herself as she surrendered to it.

 _Passion isn't something to be feared, sweetheart,_ she heard across their bond. _It's to be embraced._

Several minutes had passed by the time she felt capable of movement again, and she opened her eyes to find Ben stroking her cheek and smiling, the same soft, wonderous smile that she first saw on Exegol when she woke up in his arms.

"That was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life," Ben whispered, gently kissing her cheek. "Thank you."

"More," Rey said, almost without thinking as she took hold of Ben's shoulders, guiding him on top of her and slipping her hands underneath his waistband. She palmed his round backside, moaning when he instinctively thrusted against her. She had felt him hard against her before, often in the mornings when she first awoke, but Ben had always pulled away as soon as he'd sensed she was awake, rising from their shared sleeping space and hurrying off to the fresher.

Now, though, things were different.

"Ben, I want _more."_

"Anything, my angel," Ben said as he fumbled with his trousers, finally kicking them off his long, lean legs. Rey's eyes went wide at the sight of him, so big and hard and ready for her, the loud, guttural moan escaping from his throat as she wrapped her fingers around him sending a rippling shock of pleasure across their bond.

"Too much!" he gasped as he released a sharp puff of air. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips, breathing in deeply through his nose.

"Are you sure you're ready?" he asked.

"I'm ready," Rey said as she hitched her knees up over his hips, clinging to his broad shoulders. "Now, Ben, _please._ "

"All right." Then he propped himself up on his arms, his lust-blown eyes boring into hers as he lined himself up. He was nervous, afraid of hurting her, but she wasn't afraid at all.

"Look at me, Rey," Ben said as he started to slowly push inside her, even as she could sense that his body was screaming at him to go faster. "I love you, sweetheart. It's always been you, and it will always be you. Only you."

"Only you," Rey breathed, her breath hitching as Ben met her body's natural barrier and froze, his shoulders shaking. "It's okay. I'm okay."

Ben gave a nod, ducking his head to capture her lips as he pushed through. Rey felt a pinch, only for a second or two before it ebbed into a warm fullness that quickly permeated throughout every single cell in her body.

Their beautiful, unique connection was finally complete, in every possible sense. Two that were one.

As soon as he was fully inside her Ben stilled, squeezing his eyes closed while he waited for Rey to adjust to him. She felt so full, and the pleasure flowing across their bond was so strong that it was overwhelming, completely blocking out any possible discomfort.

"I'm okay, Ben," Rey assured him as she combed her fingers through his hair. "You can move now."

Ben gave a nod, sucking in a sharp breath as he slowly drew his hips back and moaning as he pressed back in.

"Rey, you feel _incredible,"_ he said, moaning again as she clenched around him. "I'm not—I'm not gonna last, I'm not—"

"Shh, it's all right," Rey whispered as she peppered kisses all along his neck and shoulders and anywhere else she could reach as the coil in her belly wound tighter and tighter. She wasn't going to last much longer either, but none of that mattered. Not to her.

All that mattered was that they had found each other. Across time, space, and war-zone front lines, she and Ben had somehow still managed to find each other.

And that all the years of pain and darkness, all the years of suffering had been worth it because she loved him, and he loved her.

With a final thrust Ben came, his body going taught above her as he cried out, his pleasure pulling Rey over the edge with him as it looped endlessly through their bond until they were both completely spent. He collapsed half on top of her, holding her so closely that Rey felt as though they were literally one being.

Two that were one.

"I love you, Rey," Ben sobbed into her neck, raw and exposed, just as she was.

"I know," Rey whispered. Then she brushed the sweat-dampened hair from his forehead and kissed him. "I love you too."

_Hope isn't dead. It's right in front of us._

* * *

_**Stop by and see me on tumblr, I’m[geeky-writes](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geeky-writes) and [geekys-starwars](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geekys-starwars%20) there! 😊 ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t wait to see what you think! Please don’t forget to hit the kudos button and leave me a comment! 💖


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the kind comments! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story!
> 
> This chapter is quite a bit darker, as it portrays Ben struggling with the lingering voices in his head and his inherent feelings of worthlessness. There are some hints of self-harm towards the end which I've tried to leave vague enough to not be too obvious, but please be aware.

_**Seven months post-Exegol** _

_-You believe you have changed who you are, but you have not. It is only a matter of time before the new masks you have so carefully constructed crumble into dust, revealing to her your true self._

_And when they do, you will once again remember who you truly are, Kylo Ren-_

"No!" Ben gasped as he woke with a start, panting and shivering into the cool night air inside the cabin. He sucked in a deep, shuddering breath, reaching for the cup of water on the floor next to the bed and downing it in three large gulps, wishing that he could somehow wash away all the horrible dreams that had been growing steadily worse for weeks now.

"No," he repeated into the still darkness of the night. "Kylo Ren is dead."

_Kylo Ren is dead. Kylo Ren is dead. Kylo Ren is dead._

Maybe if he thought it enough he could somehow force it to become true.

Then again, that had never worked for him in the past, so why should now be any different?

He had been doing better until recently. After a few long and rather difficult discussions with Rey about their future, during which he had laid out a plan that would hopefully allow him to both clear his name and remove any possible tarnish from Rey's reputation, Ben had decided to resume some of his Jedi training methods with the goal of eventually being considered worthy enough to hear the call of another kyber crystal. Jedi lore was not only well-known throughout the Resistance, it was lauded, so Ben figured that if he was able to find a new crystal and construct a new lightsaber before he and Rey were inevitably discovered, it would be a good form of visible proof that he had shed the persona of Kylo Ren for good and therefore draw some leniency during the tribunal that would follow.

Unfortunately, while his training sessions had been going well—or he supposed a bit too well, since Rey often worried that he was pushing himself too hard—Ben hadn't yet been able to rid himself of the voices that constantly tormented him.

If anything, they had grown even louder, making it more and more difficult for him to keep them from Rey.

And he absolutely _had_ to keep them from Rey. The last thing he wanted was to add to her already heavy burden of worry for him. Or even worse, for her to become afraid of him.

Sucking in a slow, deep breath, Ben raked his fingers through his messy hair and lay back down, tears pricking his eyes when Rey instinctively reached for him.

"Ben," she murmured as he drew her to his chest, letting out a soft whimper as her tiny hand glided up to curl around the back of his neck. She was trembling, uneasiness rolling off of her in waves. Like he had been only moments before, she was hovering just on the brink of a bad dream.

"Shh, sweetheart, it's all right. I'm here," Ben whispered. Focusing in on Rey's needs always helped get his mind off his own problems. He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, tucking a stray strand of her hair behind her ear. "You're safe, Rey. I've got you."

_Be with me,_ he heard across their bond. _Don't leave me here alone._

"No, my angel," Ben said as he brushed his thumb across her cheekbone. "It's all right, I'm never gonna leave you."

Rey breathed in, her fingers burying into his hair as she burrowed even closer, the frown lines between her eyebrows relaxing as Ben tucked her head under his chin, over his heart. Rey had told him way back on Coruscant that she loved to listen to his heartbeat as she fell asleep, a steady reminder that he was alive and with her.

_Please don't leave me._

_I'm not going to leave you, sweetheart._

_I almost lost you. I can't lose you._

_You're not going to lose me, Rey. I've got you._

He felt her smile against his chest, her petite, lithe body moulding so perfectly to his own it was as if they'd been made for each other. Rey was so small that Ben could span her waist with his hands and cup the entire side of her face with his palm, and the fiercely protective side of him greatly enjoyed it.

_Mine,_ he thought possessively.

_Yours,_ he heard in reply, just before her thoughts went quiet and she slipped into a peaceful sleep, whatever nightmare that had been taunting her thwarted once again.

It wasn't surprising that most of Rey's bad dreams involved being alone or abandoned, two of the same fears that Ben also carried. He had never been so frightened in his entire life as he was when he took Rey's near-lifeless body into his arms on the filthy floor of that horrible Sith temple, begging anyone who would listen to not take her from him just when he'd finally found her.

And similarly, Rey had told him numerous times that she had felt the same way when he collapsed, pleading with the Force spirits filling her mind to help her bring him back.

Ben's heart skittered as he recalled the look on Rey's face when he opened his eyes, her terror melting into such intense relief that it was immediately burned into his memory, right next to the feel of her touch as she healed his stab wound on the Death Star.

" _I did want to take your hand,"_ she had tearfully told him. " _Ben's hand."_

_Ben's_ hand.

Rey hadn't wanted all of the riches and glory and power that Ben could've given her as Kylo Ren. She had only wanted _him._

Just him.

And now that they finally had each other, Ben was willing to do whatever it took to keep from losing her. Even if it meant tucking his dark thoughts down into the deep recesses of his mind when she had specifically asked him not to.

Ben shifted slightly on their narrow bed, pressing a slow kiss to the top of Rey's head as he attempted once again to clear his mind. Right now Rey needed him to be strong for her, to help her chase away her own whispers of darkness so she could get the rest that she needed. Being deprived of proper food and rest for as long as she'd been, it had taken several months for Rey to be able to stop viewing each of their meals as her possible last, to actually savour her food instead of inhaling it, and to be reassured that even when Ben rose from their bed in the dim light of the dawn so he could continue his training, that he hadn't left her.

" _How could I leave you?"_ he had said when she'd found him in the woods early one morning, tears streaming down her cheeks as she begged him to come back so he could hold her. " _Rey, you're my home."_

Rey was his home, just as he was hers. She had been his pull to the Light, his guide as he'd blindly waded through the pitch-black darkness that had threatened to drown him, and because of that he felt it absolutely necessary to shelter her from the thoughts that still plagued him no matter how many times she pleaded with him not to. The thoughts that constantly whispered that he didn't deserve her, that he was unworthy of her, that he was going to find a way to screw things up, just as he always had.

And the fact that they were right made it even more important for her to not know. Rey deserved so much better than him, a man so weak and foolish and broken that he'd once believed that murdering his own father was a proper course of action. But for reasons that Ben still couldn't quite understand, Rey loved him.

She _loved_ him. Trusted him with not only her mind and heart but also her body. She had given him everything.

Heat sparked in the centre of Ben's chest, the warmth spreading across his arms and down his legs as he recalled their first fumbling attempt to make love, how nervous he had been that he would hurt her and how badly he had wanted to please her, in the hopes that she would perhaps want to do it again sometime.

Which, to his delight, she had.

In fact, only a few short hours after that first time they had made love again, and then again, and then again, only occasionally pausing to get cleaned up and eat until their lust-fuelled haze was finally spent nearly a week later.

But even as the desperation phase of their physical relationship had waned a bit, Ben was fairly certain that in the several months that had passed since that he could count the days that they hadn't been intimate in some form or another on only one hand. Rey's sexual appetite was voracious, and Ben's right along with it, and neither of them saw any need to deny themselves of it.

"Mmm," Rey suddenly mumbled into Ben's chest as her leg slid across his waist and her fingers tightened their grip on his hair. Almost instantly a sharp bolt of pleasure racketed across their bond as Rey's lips found Ben's throat, mouthing along his Adam's apple as she pressed herself impossibly closer to him. He must have been broadcasting his thoughts a bit louder than he'd thought.

"Ben," she moaned, still half asleep. "Need you."

"I'm here, sweetheart," he whispered as his breath hitched, the feel of Rey's plush lips on his neck sending shivers of heat down his spine. "I'll always be here."

"Be with me," Rey said as she lifted her head, crawling on top of him before leaning down to capture his lips. They were already naked, not bothering to get dressed after making love the night before. After having spent so many years of his life covering as much of his skin as possible, Ben had grown to crave the feel of Rey's bare skin against his while they slept, while Rey liked to joke that Ben was her own personal heating element since he always ran warm.

"I am with you," Ben said as he trailed his fingertips down the silky skin of Rey's back to palm her round backside, gasping against her lips as her tiny fingers curled around his aching cock, stroking him gently. It never took him more than a few seconds to be ready for her.

"Rey," he said through clenched teeth, "Sweetheart, I'm—I'm—!"

"Shh, love, it's all right," Rey murmured as she kissed him again, a soft, languid kiss, one designed to gently stoke the smouldering flames of his desire rather than cause them to flare. Sometimes Rey wanted him that way, wanted him inside her as quickly as possible and to take her fast and hard and desperate, like the ocean waves had crashed against the Death Star on Kef Bir.

This was not one of those times.

With a final peck to his lips Rey rose up onto her knees and lined him up, her eyes fluttering closed as she slowly sank down on him. They both moaned once he was fully inside her, Ben's trembling hands gripping her hips and his bottom lip caught between his teeth as he waited for her to adjust to him. Rey was so small that during their first time Ben had been genuinely worried that he wouldn't fit, a fear that was quickly extinguished when he realised that he couldn't sense any pain from Rey at all.

He'd only sensed the very same things that he sensed now: love, compassion, completeness, and a pleasure so intense that there was no possible way he could ever quantify it.

" _Ben,"_ Rey said on a gasp as she started to move, her fingers curling around his shoulders as she rocked back and forth. Through their window Ben could see the faint rays of the rising sun streaming inside the cabin, highlighting Rey's dewy skin and beautiful wavy hair as she moved above him, chasing her release.

_Be with me,_ he heard across their bond. _Don't ever leave me._

"I won't ever leave you," Ben replied as he surged forward, enveloping her in his arms. He brushed his lips across her shoulder and neck as he slipped one hand down between their bodies to touch her, Rey's answering cry of pleasure nearly pulling him over the edge.

"That's it, my angel," Ben rasped. "You're so beautiful, I need you to come for me!"

They came only seconds apart, as they usually did, clinging to each other as their climaxes rocketed through their joined bodies and across their bond. Having had no previous experience with sex Ben couldn't be sure, but it seemed highly likely that he and Rey's unique bond only enhanced their shared pleasure. Feeling both Rey's climaxes and his own during their lovemaking was so incredibly powerful that there were absolutely no words in any of the known galactic languages capable of describing it.

"I love you, Rey. I love you so much," Ben whispered into Rey's neck, trailing his palms up and down her back. She still hadn't moved, clinging to him as if she was afraid he'd be snatched away if she let go. Her bad dream must have been worse than he'd originally thought.

_Be with me,_ he heard across their bond. _Don't leave me._

_I won't leave you, sweetheart,_ he replied. _I promise._

~~~~~

_-You're weak-_

_-You're unbalanced-_

_-You're no Vader-_

_-You're nothing but a child in a mask-_

_-They're all afraid of you-_

_-You can never go back-_

"Stop!" Ben cried out into the stillness of the forest, clapping his hands over his ears so hard that his skin stung. " _Please,_ just _stop!_ Leave me alone!"

But they just wouldn't. No matter how many times Ben begged and pleaded the voices only seemed to grow louder and more frequent, permeating so thoroughly into his mind that he could barely even close his eyes before they began, and infecting his dreams so badly that only a couple of nights ago he had even caused the walls of the cabin to shake before Rey was able to wake him.

The dream that had awoken him a couple hours earlier had been particularly nasty, the shock and pain on his father's face as he'd plunged his warbling lightsaber blade through his abdomen playing over and over on some kind of sickening loop, accompanied by the voices of Snoke, Darth Vader, and Emperor Palpatine as they repeatedly taunted him.

It was as though he had been plunged into a never ending rainstorm, a place so damp and dark and dreary that any possible speck of light or warmth was instantly snuffed out.

_I can't—I can't—I can't let her see me like this. I can't—I can't—_

There was no way he could allow Rey to see him like this. She would be terrified.

It had taken nearly every ounce of his strength to tear himself away from her during the night, to block out her desperate pleas of him to stay with her, that she could help him if he'd only let her. But he had been so frightened of hurting her that he couldn't risk it, couldn't risk the possibility of her seeing him as the very creature he'd been trying to hide for so long.

A monster.

" _You're a monster,"_ Rey had spat at him during their duel on Starkiller Base, an insult she tossed at him again only a week or so later, during one of their first Force bond connections.

" _Yes I am,"_ he'd replied, because she had been right. He was a monster, and no matter how well he had tried to hide it, no matter how much he had tried to pretend that he could be a normal, upstanding member of society now that the war was over, deep down Ben knew the truth.

Nothing could ever change who he truly was, the son who killed his father in cold blood. The father that he had pretended to hate in the stupid hope that it would somehow make it easier to justify his actions, when all along Snoke had been absolutely right.

The deed had split his soul right down the middle, and from then on Ben had been irreparably broken. He was irredeemable, no matter how many times Rey tried to convince him otherwise.

_She could do so much better than me. She needs someone so much better than me._

Ben hadn't realised just how desperate he had been to belong to someone, to have someone who loved him without reservation or judgment and who could've cared less about the legacy of his family, until he met Rey.

Desperation that he'd then immediately tried to stamp down, seeing it as the "weak and foolish" part of him that was supposed to have died along with his father, leaving only the darkness behind.

But Rey had always been able to see right through the darkness he had tried so hard to project, see right through the cracks in his masks that he'd tried so hard to repair. Her light had always been able to penetrate right into his very heart, exposing his vulnerability for all to see.

Ben could never have become another Vader because Rey's light had always held him back, even before he'd known she was there.

But at the same time, he had said and done too many horrible things to believe himself worthy of her love. He was personally responsible for not only the death of his father but for his mother and uncle as well, _and_ had come far too close to killing Rey for him to believe that he could ever forgive himself for it.

No. Rey would do well to leave him, to go back to the Resistance and the hero's welcome that she deserved. To fall in love with someone who could be what she needed them to be instead of a broken, worthless man such as him.

_-You're not worthy of her-_

_-You'll only hurt her-_

_-She could do so much better-_

_-You can't be what she needs-_

_-You've turned her into a criminal-_

"Stop!" Ben cried, scattering a flock of birds from a nearby tree. "Please, stop!"

But of course they didn't. The voices had never listened to him before, why should they start now?

_-Use your fear-_

_-Let it crystallise into anger-_

_-Turn that anger into power-_

"No!"

As if he was on autopilot, Ben pushed himself up to his feet and began stumbling towards the nearby river. Since their arrival on Naboo he and Rey had spent many a day at that river, catching fish and waterfowl to eat and resting along the bank. One of Rey's favourite things was to sit with her back against Ben's chest and listen to the water rushing across the rocks while he trailed his fingers through her hair, and Ben indulged her in it whenever he possibly could.

They had even made love there, and more than once.

But on this night the river only looked angry, the roar of the water joining in with the cacophony of roars inside Ben's mind as he collapsed onto the bank, squeezing his head between his hands.

"Please," he begged. "Please, just leave me alone. I can't—I can't take it anymore. I can't—I can't—"

_-You killed your father-_

_-You'll never be whole again-_

_-You failed-_

_-You're a failure-_

_-She doesn't deserve you-_

Ben's heart was racing as his hands reached for a rock. He just wanted the voices to go away.

"Please…"

" _Please…"_

_-Fear is a powerful weapon, my boy-_

He took the rock into his hands, gripping it so tightly that its sharp edges bit through his skin.

_-Do it-_

_-Make the sacrifice-_

It was just as he'd always feared. Hope was truly dead.

~~~~~

He was curled into a tight shivering ball, his head throbbing like it had been split open and both of his hands stinging like they'd been burned.

All he'd ever wanted was for the voices to go away. An impossible dream, he now realised, just like his foolish dream of living happily ever after with Rey. His life wasn't an angel tale. More like the demon tales that parents used to frighten their children into behaving.

" _Don't be mean to your brother, or Kylo Ren will come in the night and get you."_

There was no light left, no warmth. Everything around him was cold and dark, just like him.

Ben sucked in a shuddering breath, willing himself to just give into the pain, to vibrate right out of his skin so it would all finally just go away.

How foolish he had been to think that a new lightsaber would be enough to prove his worthiness.

How foolish he had been to think he could ever find peace.

Hope was truly dead.

Except…

_Is someone out there?_

" _Ben!"_ he sensed from somewhere across the forest. " _Ben, please! Don't!"_

_No, it couldn't be her. She knows better now. She knows I'll only bring her pain and suffering._

Didn't she?

" _Ben? Where are you?"_

_No. She doesn't want me anymore. I lied to her. I frightened her. I'm not—_

Without warning the rock he was holding was ripped from his hold, landing in the river with a loud _splash_ as two small, warm hands carefully took his freezing ones between them, stroking them as if they were made of porcelain.

As though he was precious. Someone to be treasured.

Maybe even _loved._

Was it possible?

_No, it can't be. I'm not worthy of her. I'm not—_

He was cut off by a voice, one so gentle and kind and loving that it somehow managed to pierce right through the solid iron veil of his misery, just like it always had.

"Ben," Rey said. "Ben, I'm _here."_

Hope wasn't dead after all. It was right in front of him.

* * *

_**Stop by and see me on tumblr, I’m[geeky-writes](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geeky-writes) and [geekys-starwars](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geekys-starwars%20) there! 😊 ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I can’t wait to see what you think! Please don’t hesitate to hit the kudos button and leave me a comment! 💖


	4. Part 4

_**Ten months post-Exegol** _

"Shh, Ben, it's all right. Go back to sleep," Rey whispered as she gently spread Ben's glorious black hair across her chest. Tears pricked her eyes as the silky tresses flowed through her fingers, fighting against the guilt threatening to consume her as Ben let out a sleepy, semi-contented sigh.

How could she not have noticed how badly Ben was suffering? How could she not have sensed the intensity of his anguish until it became so bad that he felt he had no choice but to succumb to the swirling whirlpool of darkness inside his mind?

_You are worthy, my love, and you are not irreparably broken_. _You can be whole again, you just have to believe it._

Why hadn't she told him that sooner?

She looked down as she felt Ben's brow furrow, his hand twitching where it was wedged between her and the mattress. Apparently she wasn't as talented at hiding her gloomy thoughts as he was.

"I'm sorry," she murmured as she brushed her thumb across his forehead, trying to smooth the lines away. Then she tipped her head back against the pillows and closed her eyes, trying to empty her mind of her tumultuous guilt and focus only on the beautiful man lying in her arms.

The man who she loved more than anything. The man she would've gladly given her life to save.

It wasn't the first time that Rey had wished she could go back and do things over, and, despite Ben's rather vehement protests to the contrary, it likely wouldn't be the last. Finding him crouched over on that riverbank, soaking wet and shivering with his face and hands covered in his own blood had scared her a lot more than she wanted to admit. Rey had grown up spelunking through fallen Star Destroyers and had faced down Emperor Palpatine and his entire army of Sith followers, but absolutely _nothing_ terrified her more than losing Ben.

In fact, Rey was fairly certain that the only other time she had been that frightened was when Ben collapsed on Exegol.

They were a dyad, two that were one. And two couldn't be one without them both.

It had taken a lot of prodding—and more patience than she thought she possessed—but finally Ben confessed what had led to his downward spiral, yet another thing that Rey should've been able to pick up on better than she had.

It had been three years since the destruction of Starkiller Base. Three years since their very first duel, when she had slashed him nearly in two, which meant that it had also been three years since the death of Han Solo.

No wonder Ben's thoughts had been taunting him so. Despite the fact that Han had appeared to Ben on the Death Star after Rey healed him, he still hadn't yet found a way to forgive himself for killing him.

And the guilt he still carried was consuming him, far more than the Dark Side ever had. Ben was a tall, broad, very strong man, and yet he'd still sobbed like the smallest of children as he described how he had felt in that moment, how conflicted he'd been, and how he had felt there was no other way to please the Master who he'd been groomed to believe had his best interests at heart.

Snoke and Palpatine had manipulated and tortured Ben his entire life, filling his head with such pervasive lies that it was a wonder Ben even remembered that he'd once had another name before he'd called himself Kylo Ren.

But unlike simply removing a mask and a cape and a pair of black gloves or tossing a cursed lightsaber into a raging ocean, shedding the remnants of so many years of manipulation and lies had been far more difficult than either Ben or Rey could have anticipated. The letters they had written and buried by the river—one each to Han, Leia, and Master Luke—had been a decent start but still only a start, and Rey had a strong feeling that there were still many steps to climb before Ben would be truly healed.

Physical scars tended to fade over time, but mental scars took much longer. If they even faded at all.

But at least Rey had managed to get him to sleep, something he desperately needed after so many weeks of so little. Maybe his horrible nightmares would even decide to give him the night off for a change and allow his mental scars to scab over a bit.

Rey could hope, anyway. No matter what, she had to believe that hope wasn't dead.

_Please, leave him alone tonight,_ she thought. _Please._

_Even those that are beautifully broken still need to heal._

~~~~~

Much to Rey's chagrin, however, apparently Ben's grandfather had already decided that Ben had other plans.

After waking up alone yet again, Rey had gone looking for Ben out in the forest. Since both her lightsaber and their training remotes were missing she had assumed that he was working in their training area, which he was, but she never in a million years would have anticipated finding him there deep in conversation with the Force spirit of none other than Anakin Skywalker himself.

At first Rey had been furious, harshly laying into Anakin as to why he'd never bothered to raise a finger to help Ben during all of his years of suffering when he knew that Ben had practically idolised him as Kylo Ren, but that fury had quickly transformed into fear when she discovered that Anakin was attempting to convince Ben to turn himself over to the Resistance now, instead of waiting until he had fashioned his new lightsaber.

Fear which then spiked into panic when she realised that Ben was actually considering it.

"But this wasn't our plan!" she had begged, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Ben, _please,_ don't do this! It's not yet time!"

_I'm not ready to face the possibility of losing you!_

In the end, though, she had found that she couldn't deny Ben a true, solid chance of finding peace, and if coming to terms with the Resistance would accomplish that, then who was she to stand in his way?

Their mood was somber as they went about preparing to take their leave. Visiting the bookshop where Ben had been employed since shortly after their arrival was especially difficult, made even more so by the fact that the jovial owner had been one of the first people that she and Ben met once they'd settled in, and also one of the kindest people that Rey had ever seen.

And Rey loved how much Ben enjoyed the work that he did, writing out new copies of old texts for the bookshop to bind and sell. He had told her that during his time with Master Luke he had kept notebooks filled with tales of their travels, all written out in a form of longhand calligraphy that was considered so outdated that likely only a handful of people in the entire galaxy still practised it.

A handful that now included Rey, since Ben had taught her the skill as well. Her lettering wasn't nearly as pretty as Ben's since he'd been practising it for far longer, but it was getting there, aided greatly by the free materials the bookshop owner liked to pass their way whenever they turned in one of Ben's assignments. He took the news of their imminent departure in stride, only wishing them luck on their upcoming journey and telling them that Ben could resume his work as soon as they returned. It took a lot more of Rey's strength than she wanted to admit to not burst into tears as she hugged the man, profoundly thanking him for his kindness.

They spent the rest of the afternoon and evening packing the few belongings they planned to take on the trip and preparing their evening meal. Rey had noticed a slight increase in her appetite over the last few days, something she found rather odd given everything that had recently happened. But on this night, what she feared could be the last night they ever got to spend in their little log home in the woods, Rey found that she had almost no appetite at all, forcing herself to eat so as to not worry Ben even further.

And as soon as they were done and had cleared everything away, Rey took Ben's hand and led him to their bed.

"I want you," she said as she stripped him of his clothes, her own garments quickly following suit. Rey's breath caught in her throat as she gazed down at her beloved lying before her, illuminated only by the bright moonbeams shining through their window.

"You have me, sweetheart," Ben murmured as he gathered her close, cupping her cheek with his palm. "Always."

In no hurry to attempt to sleep, Rey took her time, trailing her hands and lips all along the soft skin and hard muscle of Ben's beautiful body. In the months since their first time Rey had studied Ben with even more fervour than she had given her Jedi training, and could now say with absolute confidence that she knew his body better than she knew her own. She had explored and mapped all of his most sensitive places, counted every single one of his freckles and marks, discovered the extra-ticklish spot behind his left knee, learned that his right hip was more sensitive than his left and that she absolutely loved the sound that he made deep inside his throat when she kissed him right below his jaw.

Ben's chest was heaving by the time she had explored to her heart's content, his bottom lip caught tightly between his teeth as she slowly curled her fingers around his cock and brought her lips to it, pressing open-mouthed kisses all along its length before taking as much of him in as she could. She didn't get as many chances to pleasure Ben with her mouth as he usually preferred to focus on her instead of himself, but they would have plenty of time for that later. Right now she wanted to focus only on him.

"Rey," Ben rasped, his solid abdominal muscles contracting with every bob of her head. His long fingers wove their way into her hair, careful not to grip too hard as Rey increased her speed, sensing that Ben was getting close. "Sweetheart, you're so good!"

_Let go for me, my love,_ she sent across their bond as she trailed her free palm down Ben's thigh. _I want to feel you._

With a final shuddering gasp Ben came, with Rey pulling off just in time to watch his beautiful face as his climax overtook him, sending such a rippling shock of heat across their bond that she almost came just from the sight of him. He was so incredibly stunning in the throes of his pleasure, and Rey possessively loved that she was the only person ever to have seen him that way.

Just as she knew Ben was possessive of her.

"Come here," Ben said once he had caught his breath, gently tugging on Rey's shoulder. As soon as she crawled up to him he flipped them over, settling into the cradle of her legs as he captured her lips. Rey whimpered as Ben slipped his tongue into her mouth, stroking it against hers as her arms wound around his neck and his hand roamed its way down to her bum, pressing her up against him.

Just as she had committed Ben's body to memory during their time on Naboo, so had he done the same with her, studying her as closely as if she were one of his beloved books.

"How are you even real?" he murmured as he kissed his way down Rey's neck to her chest, covering her left breast with his palm as he brought his lips to her right nipple, teasing it with tiny licks before enveloping it with his mouth. Rey gasped, heat burning through her body like a never ending feedback loop as Ben kissed his way to her other breast.

"You're too perfect to be real."

"I'm real," Rey said as he continued trailing his lips down her body, his eyes locking with hers just before he opened her legs wider, settling between them. "I'm just as real as you are."

"No, I don't think so," Ben said. He licked his lips, his brown eyes playful as they once again locked with hers. "I think you're an angel, and angels are only mythical creatures." He smirked as he began peppering kisses all along Rey's inner thighs. "But you're _my_ mythical creature."

"Yes I am," Rey said, her breath hitching with each brush of Ben's soft lips across her sensitive skin. "I am yours, just as you are mine."

She nearly came off the bed at the first pass of Ben's warm tongue across her centre, her back arching up as he positioned her legs over his shoulders and curled his large hands around her thighs, preparing to drive her completely mad.

Growing up on such an isolated planet as Jakku, Rey had been familiar enough with the mechanics of sex to at least know how it worked, but none of what she had ever accidentally witnessed in Niima Outpost or overheard on Ajan Kloss could have prepared her for just how mind-blowing sex with Ben would be. Even their very first time—as awkward and fumbling as it was—had been incredible, their bond only enhancing the sensations fluttering throughout her body like the wings of a thousand butterflies as she experienced not only her own intense pleasure, but Ben's as well.

And now, as Ben's incredible mouth worked its magic yet again and she felt her body and soul racing off into hyperspace, Rey couldn't fathom how she could ever survive without him.

He was her soulmate, her other half, bonded so tightly to her that any attempt to tear him away now would only cause irreparable damage to them both.

Dyads weren't meant to be separated.

"Ben," she murmured, watching through tear-filled eyes as he crawled his way back up to her. She brushed the loose hair from his forehead, cupping his cheeks as she brought his mouth to hers, tasting herself on his lips and tongue as he hooked her legs over his hips and slowly pushed inside her.

"I love you, Rey," Ben choked out as he began to move, each of his thrusts drawing a short gasp from Rey's lips. "No matter what happens, don't ever forget that."

"Shh," Rey quickly said, half in panic and half in comfort. She didn't want to even consider the possibility that Ben might not be allowed to return with her. "Please, don't talk like that."

Ben kissed her nose in apology, whispering a soft, "All right." Then he buried his face into her neck and slid his hand underneath the small of her back, pressing her so tightly to him that it felt as though they were literally one being.

Two that were one.

_Be with me,_ she heard across their bond. _Rey, come with me!_

She felt Ben's climax first, rippling through her body as he cried out her name against her neck. Rey followed only a couple seconds later, her fingernails digging into Ben's shoulders as she clung to him.

_Please, don't leave me_ , she begged over and over, just as she had on Exegol when she thought she was losing him. _I couldn't bear it._

Ben's tears dripped onto her skin, followed by his lips to gently kiss them away. _I will always be with you, sweetheart. No matter what._

Several minutes passed before they were able to move, their hearts beating in tandem. Finally, with a soft kiss to her forehead Ben rose to fetch a cloth, wetting it with water from the jar they always kept by the fire. His beautiful eyes were glassy as he carefully ran the warm cloth across Rey's body, his thoughts only slightly betraying the intense fear that he was trying so hard to keep in check.

As soon as he crawled back into bed Rey took him into her arms, her fingertips tracing down the right side of his face, along the scar that was no longer there. Guilt flared in her chest as she remembered how she had slashed him on Starkiller Base, taking advantage of his momentary distraction to deliver what she had meant as a killing blow. That blow had haunted her throughout their Force bond connections, especially once she saw the true extent of the damage that she'd caused.

That scar, along with the rest that had littered Ben's body, had disappeared when she healed his stab wound on the Death Star, but her guilt had remained, smouldering in the background and roaring back to life when she discovered him along the riverbank, his cheek cut open right along where the old scar had been.

And she couldn't help but believe that by choosing to seek out the Resistance now that they were just reopening old scars yet again. It hadn't even yet been a year since the end of the war, and no matter what Anakin had said, neither she nor Ben were ready for what lay ahead.

"No, sweetheart, please don't," Ben whispered as he reached to still her hand, intertwining their fingers. "Let the past die, remember?"

Rey sucked in a trembling breath, pressing her lips to Ben's knuckles.

"I'm not sure that I can."

"You can," Ben said. He tucked Rey to his chest, her head resting over his heart. "You're the strongest person I've ever seen, Rey, so I know that you can."

_But what if I don't want to?_ she thought as she closed her eyes, attempting to put her dark thoughts to rest.

_Try anyway,_ Ben replied. _Sleep now, my angel._

~~~~~

Rey's heart was heavy as she watched Ben close up their cabin, sealing all of their possessions inside. Neither of them had been able to sleep well the previous night, occasionally dozing off only for one or both of them to be awakened by nightmares. Rey couldn't shake the growing sensation that she and Ben were walking into a massive trap, one from which any escape would be impossible.

Finished with the door, Ben turned to her and held out his right hand, which Rey took without hesitation. If it was in fact a trap they were heading into, at least they were doing so together, as a united front.

"Ready?" he asked.

_No,_ Rey thought, because she wasn't ready. Not in the slightest, but there wasn't anything she could do about it now. So she simply tightened her fingers around Ben's hand and rose onto her tiptoes for a kiss.

"Yes," she said. "Let's go."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m always eager to hear what you think! Please don’t forget to hit the kudos button and leave me a comment! 💖


	5. Part 5

Ben gulped as the door to the Resistance brig cell slid closed, followed swiftly by the buzzing sound of an activated force field. The two Resistance generals, Poe Dameron and Finn, had insisted on holding him in the brig while they hammered out the details for his upcoming tribunal, and while Ben could understand their reasoning he wasn't at all at ease about leaving Rey in their company. Despite General Dameron's personal assurance regarding Rey's safety while on the base, Ben didn't trust a single one of the Resistance members. Not when he could already sense the fierce loathing from the two generals as well as from the men assigned to guard him.

He pressed his fingers to his lips, his heart nearly cracking in two when Rey raised her hand to wave, a single tear rolling down her cheek as General Finn tugged on her elbow.

 _I love you, sweetheart,_ he sent across the bond. _I'll be all right._

 _I hope so,_ Rey replied.

As soon as Rey was out of sight Ben backed further into the cell, a small square room consisting of nothing more than a hard slab for a bunk, a toilet, and a sink. General Dameron had mentioned that it might take up to two weeks to get the tribunal proceedings organised, which made sense given what Ben knew about the trial process back in the early days of the New Republic, but something told him that they weren't exactly going to be in any hurry to get going.

Now that they finally had Kylo Ren locked up, they wouldn't be pushing themselves to possibly set him free again.

_No, not Kylo Ren. I'm Ben Solo, son of Han and Leia Organa-Solo._

Maybe if it echoed around in his head enough he might someday actually believe it.

" _You are not Kylo Ren,"_ Rey had said to him just the previous night when he'd awoken from yet another nightmare. " _Kylo Ren is dead. Ben Solo is alive, and that is who I love."_

And then, as if to prove her point, Rey had taken his face into her tiny hands and proceeded to kiss him until he was breathless and scrambling to get her out of her clothing, his frantic need to be inside her quickly overpowering all of his lingering fear. Sex with Rey was indescribable, the sense of wholeness that they shared while being intimate was something that Ben craved with every single fibre of his being, and he knew it was the same for her because he could sense it just as easily as he could feel his heart beating inside his chest.

The very heart that he had given to Rey, who had somehow managed to piece together all of the shattered shards of Ben's soul back into the very person he'd always wished he could be, but who Snoke and Palpatine had tricked him into believing was impossible.

With a quick glance at the guards still glaring lasers in his direction, Ben sat down on the slab and tucked his knees up to his chest, closing his eyes as he breathed in deeply. He was just on the cusp of the first stage of his meditation ritual when he gasped, suddenly sensing such an intense anguish coming from Rey that it felt like someone had punched him in the gut.

She was alone in her old quarters, and she was crying.

 _Please don't cry, sweetheart, I'm still here,_ he sent across their bond, wishing with everything in him that he could take her into his arms and kiss her tears away. For almost a year they hadn't spent a single night apart, ever since they'd fled from Exegol, and Ben knew it was hitting Rey hard to be separated from him.

 _I know,_ she replied. _I just… I don't know how I'm going to be able to sleep without you. What if this is all just a huge mistake?_

_It's not a mistake, Rey. Try and think of it as just another trial._

The veil of anguish lifted ever-so-slightly as Ben imagined the soft but reluctant smirk on his beloved's lips.

_That's because it is a trial, Ben._

The corners of Ben's own lips curled up just slightly. _Well, yeah, I know._

_Will you be able to sleep?_

Ben let out a sigh. It was hard enough for him to sleep with Rey right next to him, without her it was likely going to be impossible.

But he couldn't tell her that. Now more than ever he needed to keep her shielded from the darkness that still tormented him. He could not risk exposing her to any of his putrid demons while they were separated, and in what he considered to be enemy territory.

_I'll try. No promises though._

_Me too. I love you._

_I know._

"Sleep well, my angel," Ben whispered into the stale air of his cell. Then he closed his eyes again, relieved when he felt their bond settling into its usual comforting hum as Rey prepared to attempt to sleep and he prepared to watch over her.

 _There you go,_ Ben thought a few minutes later as he sensed Rey slipping into a light sleep. He breathed a slight sigh of relief, tipping his head back against the wall. If Rey was going to be presenting his defence during the tribunal then she was going to need as much rest as possible, and it would be up to him to ensure that she was able to get it.

Almost unconsciously Ben brought his hand to his abdomen, pressing his palm over the spot where Rey had stabbed him during their duel on the second Death Star, an act that still brought her such intense guilt to recall that Ben never dared to even think about it while she was awake, but one that he credited with finally bringing him back to himself. He had felt Rey's anger and aggression during that duel as clearly as if it had been his own, poking and prodding her to continue attacking him even after she had completely exhausted herself.

It was something with which Ben was all too familiar, having been stuck on the same self-destructive path for so long that he could barely remember a time when he wasn't. Snoke's conditioning had ingrained in him that he by himself was unlovable, that the only way he could gain any kind of loyalty from someone else was by what he could offer them in return. That had proved to be true with the Knights of Ren, to which Ben had traded intense combat training for the right to call himself a leader and the illusion of companionship, only to have them turn on him the moment he removed his mask.

He had attempted the same with Rey, promising her riches and power in the vain attempt to lure her to him, only to have her continually reject him despite the conflict he had sensed within her. The conflict that he sensed she was trying very hard to stamp down.

It hadn't helped that during his fumbling attempts to woo her, as his father used to call it, Ben had managed to dig up and expose Rey's most painful vulnerabilities and then proceeded to throw them right in her face. All her life Rey had yearned for a family, longed to be loved, and once she was finally able to forge a fragile connection with someone, he went and called her a nobody.

Not exactly the smoothest of moves.

In Ben's defence, it's not like either the Jedi or the Sith ever taught their apprentices the proper way to flirt, and for someone who had only known manipulation and conditioning for most of his life, Ben really had no idea how in the world he was supposed to try to talk to someone who, for all intents and purposes, should've thought of him as her enemy.

The year following the battle on Crait had cemented that even further, with Rey shutting him out as she attempted to train away all of her emotions and lashing out angrily at him when he told her the truth he had discovered of her parentage. Anger that then led to her stabbing him in almost the very same place where he had stabbed his father.

And, just like she had when Ben stabbed his father, Rey had felt Ben's conflict and pain as if it had been her very own. In that moment she realised that uncontrolled aggression only led to more pain and suffering, something that Ben wished he had known before coming face to face with his father on Starkiller Base.

Tears welled in Ben's eyes as he recalled Rey's horror once she realised what she had done, and the depths of her self-loathing that he'd sensed as she stretched out her small hand next to his mortal wound and closed her eyes.

Ben had expected to die on that Death Star, but apparently the galaxy hadn't been done with him yet because the next thing he knew he was being renewed, his muscle and skin knitting back together not only in his abdomen, but on his shoulders, sides, and cheek as well. Rey's life force had not only healed his physical wounds and scars, it had completely transformed him, peeling away the remaining stubborn layers of Kylo Ren to finally reveal his true self.

Someone who Rey could admit that she loved.

And finally, _finally,_ Ben could stop running through the never-ending rain of his life, stand tall against the backbreaking wind threatening to blow him over, and allow Rey's light to illuminate all of his dark and broken places.

Hope had never died, it had been right in front of him the whole time.

A fist pounding on the window of his cell followed by an angry, "Oi!" started Ben from his thoughts, and he looked up to find one of his guards glaring at him from beneath his bushy eyebrows.

"None of your creepy First Order mind tricks while you're in there, you got that?"

"I was only trying to meditate," Ben said with a frown. "I wasn't doing anything that would—"

"I don't care what you call it, you Sith scum, I don't wanna see you doing it again!" the guard said. "Is that understood!"

Ben huffed but nodded. The last thing he wanted was to stir up even more trouble.

"Good," said the guard. "And don't you think that I won't be watching."

_Yeah, I'm sure you will._

With a final thump on the window for good measure the guard turned his back, barely missing the eyeroll that Ben shot him before he turned around and stretched out on the slab.

Or at least stretched out as much as he could. Unsurprisingly, the slab wasn't quite long enough to accommodate his tall body, something that Ben had grown reluctantly accustomed to since his days living in Master Luke's Jedi temple. He clasped his hands behind his head and reached for Rey with his mind, relieved to find her still in her light sleep. A soft smile stretched across his lips as he imagined combing his fingers through her hair and kissing her forehead, just like he did every night before they closed their eyes.

General Dameron had said it would take about two weeks to set up the tribunal proceedings, which meant it would be two weeks until Ben could see Rey again.

At the moment it almost seemed insurmountable. Already Ben missed his beloved so badly that his entire body ached with longing, his hands and arms itching to hold her and his lips desperate to kiss her.

But, like his father before him, Ben had managed to overcome seemingly insurmountable odds before. All he needed to do was hold on to hope.

 _There's still hope in front of me,_ he thought. _I might be down, but I'm not dead._

_Not yet._

~~~~~

Unfortunately, despite Ben's best attempts at optimism, as the promised two weeks slowly stretched into four—and really, Ben should've figured that the Resistance wouldn't be able to organise something as big as the trial of Kylo Ren in only two weeks—and his concern for Rey grew, Ben found himself slipping further and further towards the edge of the swirling whirlpool of darkness hidden inside his mind. Rey, exhausted from her work preparing his defence combined with a severe lack of sleep completely broke down one night, crying out to him in such agony that he shattered his previously held record for achieving a state of mediation deep enough to project himself, managing to remain with Rey long enough to brush her tears away and hold her for a few minutes before his guards decided that he'd meditated long enough and he was forced to leave. He was able to repeat it a couple more times before his trial began, even though it required so much of his energy that he could barely stand afterwards, yet another thing he managed to keep hidden from Rey until the first day of the trial and she actually saw him for the first time since they had arrived.

"Ben!" Rey exclaimed as soon as he arrived inside the stately Justice Hall, almost an exact replica of the Justice Hall on Chandrila where his mother had assisted with the trials of the former Galactic Empire officials. Rey's eyes swept across him in horror as the guards removed his massive wrist binders and shoved him down into his seat next to her. Apparently he looked even worse than he felt.

"Ben, why didn't you tell me you were being mistreated? I can't believe anyone could think that this is acceptable, we need to talk to—"

"No!" Ben interrupted, just in time to prevent Rey from reaching for him. The guards had warned him before bringing him in that he would not be allowed to touch Rey during the proceedings, and that any attempt to do so would result in harsh disciplinary action.

"Rey, please don't. You don't need to be worrying about me."

"But—!" Rey started, quickly interrupted by General Dameron's call to attention. _But I can't help it!_

_I know, sweetheart, but please try._

Rey breathed in a shaky breath, her beautiful hazel eyes glassy. _I think this is almost worse than not seeing you at all._

_I know._

And it was. Sitting so close to Rey over the ten day course of the prosecution's presentation but not being able to even hold her hand was excruciating, and as the days dragged by, listening to witness after witness drone on about how evil he was combined with his attempts to maintain watch over Rey during the nights, Ben felt the fragile lid that he had constructed to contain the darkness within him beginning to crack.

Hope, he feared, was fading.

The final day of the prosecution's arguments was the worst, spent entirely on dissecting the space battle that had followed the destruction of Starkiller Base. The battle where Ben had very nearly launched his ship's weapons directly at his own mother.

Ben could recall that day as if it'd been only yesterday. Supreme Leader Snoke had been particularly vicious during their meeting in his throne room on the _Supremacy,_ berating and taunting Ben for his defeat at Rey's hands and for his failure to capture Luke Skywalker. In a flash of either bravery or stupidity Ben had risen to his feet, snarling as he took a single step towards his master before being blasted back nearly ten metres by Snoke's Force lightning, allowing his embarrassment and rage to bubble over as he led the First Order forces into battle against the Resistance's flagship and its surrounding convoy.

Rage he was barely able to contain once he sensed his mother's presence on the bridge of the ship as he barrelled towards her, not fearing for her own life, but for his.

Looking back, that had been one of the first of many indications that Snoke had been lying to him all along, if Ben had only been open to the possibility of admitting it. But in that moment it had only confused him, distracting him long enough for him to take his thumb off of the trigger and for his wingman to take the shot instead.

But since it had been his TIE-Silencer that everyone saw during the battle, Ben was blamed for both the flagship's destruction and for almost killing General Organa.

During the entire presentation Rey sat as straight as a bo staff on her chair, her eyes trained on the witnesses as she scribbled down the occasional note on the stack of papers in front of her and tried desperately to keep her frustration and fear at bay. Like him, Rey had been attempting to shield Ben from her mounting fear ever since they'd arrived on the base, hoping to avoid causing him any further distress. It hadn't been as successful as she'd hoped, though. Ben had had years of training and practise at shielding his thoughts from others and while Rey was making a valiant effort to do the same, Ben could still read her easily.

"It'll be all right, sweetheart," Ben murmured to her as the guards yanked him from his chair, shackling his wrists. Now that the prosecution's presentation had concluded there was to be a three day break in order to give Rey time to prepare her defence, and Ben could sense the intense trepidation emanating from her in waves as he was led away.

 _Try and get some good rest tonight, okay?_ he added across the bond. He didn't dare add that she looked like she badly needed it, even though she did, with her pale cheeks and dark blue circles under her eyes. Ben's father had at least managed to pass down that little tidbit before he'd shipped him off to Master Luke's temple: never tell a woman that she looks tired.

 _I will if you will,_ Rey shot back, which both frustrated Ben and amused him, imagining the deep frown forming between Rey's perfect eyebrows. Even exhausted, she was just so cute when she frowned that he couldn't help but smirk at her.

It wasn't only the lack of sleep that was troubling Rey, though. There was something else going on as well, something that Ben couldn't quite put his finger on simply because he knew that Rey didn't know what it was either. He knew that she hadn't been eating well lately—which given the menu on the base wasn't that big of a surprise—but that wasn't all of it either, and the uncertainty of it only added to the massive weight planted firmly on Rey's shoulders.

He had just collapsed down onto the slab inside his cell when their bond suddenly wavered, as if Rey was in trouble. Immediately Ben sprang to his feet, raking his fingers through his hair as he attempted to reach her.

"Rey?" he said aloud. "Rey, sweetheart, are you all right?"

When Rey didn't reply he asked again. "Rey? Rey, please tell me what's wrong!"

 _I don't—I don't know—_ she replied, sounding so weak and fragile that Ben's belly swooped in fear. _Ben, I don't know—_

"Rey?" Ben cried as he slammed his palms on the window of his cell, drawing the attention of the guards. "Something's—something's wrong with Rey, you need to call General Finn! Please call General Finn, something's wrong with—!"

"And why in the hell would you think something would be wrong?" demanded one of the guards. "You're just delusional, nothing's wrong—"

"Please!" shouted Ben as tears streamed down his cheeks. "Please, I am begging you! Something's wrong with Rey, I can _feel_ it!"

"All right, all right, all right!" yelled the guard. "But only if you promise to shut the hell up!"

"Yes! Yes, okay," Ben said as he stepped back, trying to breathe in but only managing to choke. He bounced on his feet as the guard spoke into his comm unit, his heart thudding so madly in his chest that he thought it might break free.

"Rey!" he murmured as fresh tears welled in his eyes. "Sweetheart, please answer me! Are you all right?"

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he heard Rey's faint voice across their bond.

_Ben. Ben, we're—_

Ben's legs nearly gave out as she broke off again, fearing that she had lost consciousness.

"Rey, sweetheart! Please!"

 _Ben,_ she replied, a bit stronger this time. _Ben, I'm—we're—pregnant!_

For a full three or so heartbeats Ben was so stunned that he quite literally forgot how to think, much less attempt to form words.

"We're—we're _what?"_ he finally sputtered, followed by a litany of words in various languages that made absolutely no sense as he slumped back down onto the slab, squeezing his head between his hands.

"Rey, are you _serious?"_

_Yes, I am. You're going to be a daddy, Ben._

A cold sweat broke out over Ben's body as Rey's words reverberated throughout his mind.

Rey was pregnant.

Ben was going to be a daddy.

_I'm gonna be a daddy._

_Oohh…_

Ben had been wrong. Hope wasn't fading.

It was _growing._

* * *

_**Stop by and see me on tumblr, I’m[geeky-writes](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geeky-writes) and [geekys-starwars](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geekys-starwars%20) there! 😊 ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m always eager to hear what you think! Please don’t forget to hit the kudos button and leave me a comment! 💖


	6. Part 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Star Wars Day everyone! 😎 And thank you so much for all of the kudos and kind comments! 💖

Rey stared in shock at the medical scanner, the tiny dot in the centre blinking like a beacon as her baby announced his presence to his momma in dramatic fashion.

Apparently the Solo was already strong with him.

And what a Solo he was, for Rey could already picture their precious son's tiny face. He was a miniature version of Ben, complete with Ben's eyes, cheeks, lips, and hair, along with Rey's nose and eyebrows, all of which combined to make him quite possibly the most beautiful baby in the entire galaxy.

_Our baby,_ Rey thought, her heart still stuttering from the unexpected news. _We're having a baby._

A cold sweat broke out across Rey's body, pebbling her arms with goosebumps as she tried to wrap her mind around the literally life-altering news. For most of her life Rey had longed for a family of her own, longed for the hugs and kisses and cuddles that she'd been deprived of growing up alone on Jakku. The festival on Pasaana had only intensified those desires, even as she had tried to come to grips with the realisation that she would have to let go of such a dream. The complete physical exam she'd undergone at Leia's insistence prior to beginning her training had showed that her body was slowly recovering from her years of malnutrition, but since Jedi weren't allowed to have families anyway Rey just assumed that the fact that her courses never resumed was the galaxy's way of informing her that her true destiny lay elsewhere.

Apparently, she had been wrong. And Rey had never been so happy to be proven wrong in her entire life.

Rey and Ben were having a baby. She was going to be a mother, and Ben a father.

Images flooded Rey's mind before she could stop them. Leaning against Ben's broad chest along the bank of the river on Naboo, with his hands splayed out across her round belly and smiling his beautiful smile as their baby kicked against his palms. Peppering kisses all over her precious infant's cheeks, nose, and forehead as he slept peacefully in her arms.

Their sweet little laughing boy chasing after his daddy on his chubby toddler legs, holding up his arms for Ben to pick him up and carry him on his shoulders.

He was a child who would never know the sharp pain of abandonment and loneliness that had once haunted his parents, for their child—hers and Ben's—would only know love, and acceptance.

_Equal parts darkness and light._

_A perfect balance._

Inside her head Ben had gone completely silent, likely out of shock, which Rey could understand. The dizziness and nausea that had led to her collapse inside the Justice Hall had only slightly faded into the background, and that combined with her overall stress from the trial and the way Finn was glaring blaster shots from his eyes had Rey wishing she could somehow just transport all three of them back to Naboo.

_We shouldn't've come here,_ she thought. _We should've just stayed where we could be happy and free, and—_

Damn Anakin Skywalker and his preying on Ben's desire to repent for his time with the First Order. It wasn't Ben's fault that Anakin never got a chance to truly make things right with the billions of people he had tormented for decades, or that he was never able to have a real relationship with his own children. Ben hadn't been ready to turn himself in yet. He'd wanted to build his new lightsaber first, but then Anakin had to show up and cause all sorts of trouble, and now—

_Ben's not going to be like him,_ Rey thought fiercely. _Ben is going to be the best father our son could ever wish for._

But first they had to get through the trial. The very trial whose stakes had just been raised by an almost innumerable amount.

"Rey?" Finn suddenly said, jarring Rey back to reality. He was still glaring at her as though she had done something horribly wrong, which only made her dizziness worse.

"What?" she snapped. "And you can wipe that look off your face before you answer."

Finn looked taken aback. "What look?" he asked. "I don't have a look—?"

"Yes, you do," Rey said. "And I know what you're thinking, and the answer is no. Ben didn't force or coerce me into anything, and he hasn't been holding me hostage all these months either. Or any other such nonsense that you people have been thinking."

"Oh, and you'd know what we've been thinking?" Finn asked. "You go and sneak your way onto Exegol without telling anyone what you're up to, and then you just up and disappear after the battle for almost a year? I mean, what am I supposed to think? And then you show back up here out of the blue, and with—with _him?_ And now you're—you're—?"

"Yes," Rey said firmly as she placed her palms over her abdomen. "Yes, I'm having Ben Solo's baby. _Our_ baby."

"Okay, but I'm still trying to understand how this could've happened!" Finn exclaimed. "Rey, it just doesn't make sense!"

"Not to you, maybe," Rey said, thankfully distracted as the medical droid took her arm.

"Your blood sugar is low and you are moderately dehydrated," the droid said as she prepped an external fluids system. "These fluids will correct the problem temporarily, but it will be imperative that you continue to eat and drink at regular intervals to help prevent further dizziness and nausea."

Rey gave a sigh as she nodded, wincing as the droid poked her arm with a needle. Ben had been telling her the very same things since they had arrived on the base, always encouraging her to eat and get proper rest, just like he had during their time on Naboo as well.

And all while he went without. Rey had been appalled at Ben's condition the first time she saw him in the Justice Hall, with his face so pale and gaunt beneath his black hair that he almost seemed translucent. He had also lost a bunch of weight, making his tall, lean frame appear almost fragile underneath his stiff canvas prison clothes.

The worst part were his wrists though, which were rubbed raw and bleeding from the shackles the guards insisted on using. Rey had even noticed Ben scratching and picking at the wounds during the prosecution's presentation, preventing them from scabbing over, and no amount of begging or pleading from her could get him to stop.

It was almost like he welcomed the pain, as both a constant reminder of the pain he caused others and a way to punish himself for it. The fact that he'd been blocking her from sensing most of his troubling thoughts didn't help matters.

Ben still believed—to some extent, at least—that he was unforgivable.

It reminded Rey far too much of their first duel on Starkiller Base, when she'd watched in horror as Ben repeatedly slammed his arm against the deep wound in his side, leaving bright red drops of blood to stain the pure white snow covering the forest floor. She couldn't understand back then why he would do such a thing, as it seemed pretty counter-productive to try and injure yourself even more while fighting a duel, and especially one that pitted two against one.

She understood it all too well now, though, and that understanding was almost enough to cause her heart to crack right down the middle.

Ben had been attempting to use the pain from his wound to help him channel the anger and hatred he was supposed to be feeling. To cover up his feelings of shock and despair from killing his father, feelings that he had deemed weak and foolish.

Those very same feelings that were supposed to have died with Han Solo.

Only it hadn't worked. All killing his father had managed to accomplish was make Ben even more vulnerable, such that both Finn and Rey, who had never before wielded a lightsaber, were able to land blows with the weapon that wounded Ben even further. Rey even saw the scars those wounds had left behind during one of their Force bond sessions. The puckered scar on Ben's side from Chewie's bowcaster blast and the cuts to his left shoulder and right arm from the harsh lightsaber blade.

And the massive scar that started from the middle of his chest and stretched up his neck, cheek, and eye all the way to his forehead, created when Rey launched him backwards and laid him out flat in the snow. The very same scar that still haunted her even though it was long since gone, vanished when she healed him on the second Death Star.

"Rey, all I'm saying is I just don't understand how this could've happened," Finn said, frowning as he tapped the comm device in his right ear. "What could Ren possibly want now?"

"Stop calling him that, it's not his name!" Rey demanded. "His name is Ben Solo, and—!"

She was cut off when Finn raised his hand, his deep frown growing even deeper as he listened to whoever was speaking to him.

"And you're okay with this?" he said. "You don't see it as a security risk?"

"Okay with what?" Rey asked. "What're you talking about—?"

"Well, all right, if you think it's okay," said Finn. "But only for a few minutes."

"What is going on?" Rey demanded. "You were just talking about Ben, so what about him?"

Finn pursed his lips, eyeing Rey as if he wished he'd left her back on Jakku.

"Ren's asking if he can—"

"You mean, _Ben,_ " Rey corrected. "His name is _Ben!"_

"Yeah, whatever," Finn said dismissively. "Anyway, he's asking if he can come down here and see you, and Poe said it was okay—"

"He did?" Rey exclaimed. "Oh, that's wonderful!"

"Yeah, but only for a few minutes, all right?" said Finn. "We can't exactly have him roaming around the base while he's on trial."

"I hardly think that being escorted from the brig to the Medical Bay in binders constitutes 'roaming around the base', but I do appreciate it," Rey said. "Thank you."

"Mmm, don't thank me," Finn grumbled. "It was Poe's idea."

"Well, then I'll thank him."

Rey lay back against the thin pillow while she waited, fiddling with the edge of the blanket the kind droid had draped over her. She smiled as more and more images of their precious son danced across her mind like a holo, ignoring Finn's pensive expression as he paced back and forth at the end of the examining table.

Barely thirty seconds later Ben rushed into the Medical Bay, his wrists bound and flanked by two burly security guards. As soon as he laid eyes on Rey he crossed the room, his hands reaching to cup her face.

"Oh my sweetheart, you _scared_ me!" he gasped as he rained soft kisses all along Rey's forehead, nose and cheeks. "Please don't ever do that again!"

"I'm sorry," Rey whispered as she wound her arms around her beloved's neck, flinching when her fluids tube snagged on his hair. "I didn't—I just didn't think that—"

"I know. It's okay," Ben said as he pulled back, his expression a combination of shock, awe, and that pure adoration that always made Rey's heart flutter. It had been so long since she'd seen Ben anything close to happy that she wished she could freeze the moment and live in it forever.

Or at least until the trial was over.

"I'm just relieved that you're okay," Ben added as Rey tipped her forehead against his shoulder. She hugged him even tighter, wishing so badly that his hands were free so he could hold her properly.

_It's all right, sweetheart,_ Ben sent across their bond. _Even getting to see you and touch you right now is a gift._

_I know, but still…_

"Go ahead and take off the binders," Finn suddenly ordered the guards. "I don't think he's gonna be any trouble."

"Oh, thank you!" Rey said as Ben stepped back, his chin quivering as he nodded at Finn.

"Thank you, General," he said softly. Rey could see he was struggling not to cry as he held out his arms towards one of the guards, completely enveloping Rey as soon as he was freed.

"Ben," she said on a gasp as she burrowed into him, her hands splayed across his broad back. Ben's tears dripped onto her neck as his lips caressed her skin, the droid, Finn, and the guards completely forgotten as Rey soaked up the embrace she'd been starving for ever since they landed at the base.

"I'm here, sweetheart," Ben murmured, carefully squeezed her closer. "I'm right here."

"I've missed you so much," Rey whispered as tears welled in her eyes. "I don't—I don't know if I can—it's just been so _hard_ , and—"

"I know, my angel." Ben pulled back, his long fingers caressing the back of Rey's neck as trepidation rolled off him in waves. "Rey, I need you to promise me something. I need you to promise that if things don't work out the way we hope, that you'll—"

"No, I will not," Rey said firmly. She sniffed as she brushed the loose hair from Ben's forehead, cupping his cheek. "We are not even going to think like that, do you understand me? I forbid it. This baby will never know anything but love and acceptance from both his parents. We are both going to be there for him every step of the way because I absolutely refuse to accept any other alternative."

"But sweetheart, if I'm—there's no way to know if you'd be safe, and now—"

"Ben, _please_ , just stop, okay?" Rey pleaded. "We're not going to think like that, all right?" She just couldn't afford to even think about the possibility that Ben might not be allowed to return with her to Naboo. She had to remain strong if she was going to be able to prepare a decent defence.

The corner's of Ben's lips curled into a slight smile, his glassy eyes sweeping across her face, like he was trying to memorise it. His mental blocks were firmly in place again, preventing her from sensing most of his thoughts, but Rey wasn't about to call him out in it now. Not when they were supposed to be celebrating.

"All right," he whispered.

"That's better." She took Ben's cheeks in her hands, brushing her thumbs across his perfectly sculpted cheekbones. "He's got your cheeks, Ben. And your eyes, and your lips, and he's so beautiful, and he already loves you so much."

_Just as you deserve to be loved,_ she added across the bond as she guided Ben's palm to her abdomen. "Close your eyes and see for yourself."

She watched as Ben's eyes fluttered closed, his lower lip quivering only a few seconds later.

"Oh," he breathed, breaking into a wide, toothy smile. "Oh Rey, I can see him! He's sleeping in your arms, and you're stroking his little cheek as you sing to him, and—" He paused, sucking in a shaky breath as a single tear snaked its way down his cheek, right along the path of his old scar. "Oh you're both so beautiful, sweetheart, I can't—I can't—I have to—"

"Shh," Rey whispered as she brushed the tear away. "What you're fearing, it's not going to be like that, okay? I saw it."

Ben gave a stuttered nod as he opened his eyes, softly kissing her forehead.

"I'll just have to take your word for it." Then he kissed her again, this time on the lips before tucking her head under his chin. "Will you promise me that you'll get some rest now?"

"I will try," Rey said as she burrowed as close as she could, soaking up the sounds of Ben's heartbeat, her fingers instinctively fisting into the rough fabric of Ben's shirt when Finn cleared his throat behind them.

"I'm sorry, Rey, but it's time for Ren— _Ben_ —to get back to the brig."

Ben's arms tightened around Rey as he nodded. "I understand. Is it all right for Rey to stay here overnight? She hasn't been well for awhile now, and I'd like to make sure she and the baby are going to be okay before she returns to her quarters."

"I do not see a problem with keeping her overnight," replied the medical droid. "It would do them both well for her to be sufficiently rehydrated."

"Thank you," Ben said as he pressed his forehead to Rey's, tracing her cheek with his fingertips. "Promise me you'll take care of yourself while I can't, okay? Please?"

"I promise," Rey said, choking back tears.

"Thank you," whispered Ben as he pecked her lips again. "I love you, sweetheart. I love you and our baby more than anything so… no matter what happens, don't ever forget that."

Through tear-filled eyes Rey watched as Ben stepped back and held out his arms towards the guards, who quickly snapped the binders around his battered wrists.

_Don't forget to rest, my angel,_ she heard as Ben was led away. _You promised._

"I won't," Rey whispered, rolling her eyes when Finn shot her an odd look. "I'm all right, Finn. You can go now."

"Yeah, if you say so," Finn said, obviously unconvinced. "Take good care of her, all right?" he added to the droid.

"Of course, sir," replied the droid. "She will be fine."

As soon as Finn was gone Rey closed her eyes and breathed in, imagining listening to the river on Naboo as she attempted to relax enough to fall asleep. Her hands instinctively moved to her abdomen, a slight smile stretching across her lips as she imagined their family living happily in their little house in the woods, with Ben teaching their son how to swim and fish in the river while Rey taught him how to use a bo staff and identify herbs, something she'd learned while studying with Leia.

And there would be no voices whispering into their son's tiny mind, no outside forces manipulating and tormenting him until he felt so completely isolated from all that he loved that he felt he had no choice but to run to those voices in a desperate attempt to feel that he belonged somewhere.

That Skywalker curse was irrecoverably broken. Rey and Ben had personally seen to it.

From now on, both Light and Dark would exist in perfect balance.

_Rest now, sweetheart,_ Ben sent across the bond. _You promised._

"Yes, I did," Rey murmured. "Goodnight, my love."

_Goodnight, Rey. I love you._

"I know."

~~~~~

Despite the happy news of her pregnancy Rey's heart was heavy when she awoke the following morning, realising that the defence for Ben's trial still loomed over their heads. She had been granted a three-day recess following the prosecution's presentation to finish preparing her defence, and as the medical droid examined her and pronounced her healthy enough to return to her quarters, she found that the stack of ancient books that greeted her as she stepped inside only served to heighten her nervousness.

She could talk about how Ben was groomed by Palpatine and Snoke all she wanted, but unless she was able to find some hard evidence against Ben's participation in some of the larger First Order crimes, specifically the recruitment of children for the Stormtrooper ranks, the construction and utilisation of Starkiller Base, and the destruction of the Resistance's flagship, the _Raddus_ , Rey feared it would all be for naught.

Ben's attack on the Resistance Base on Crait and the killing of his father had also been mentioned multiple times during the prosecution's presentation, which unfortunately were two things that Rey had to admit Ben was complicit with.

In the end Rey knew it would be all in the way that she presented Ben's motivations during those two instances as to which way the five-judge panel would lean, if they would be sympathetic or not. Which made finding hard evidence to refute the rest even more vital to her arguments.

She had just spent a very frustrating hour poring through the ancient books when she felt Ben's mind touching hers, their bond shimmering between them.

_Good morning, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?_

"Yes," she replied, nibbling on a dry rice crisp. The medical droid had recommended them for her nausea, and surprisingly enough they actually seemed to be working. "But you already knew that, didn't you?"

The short pause that followed gave Rey her answer.

_Don't fault me for wanting to make sure that you're safe._

"I don't, Ben," she said with a sigh. "I just wish you'd take care of yourself a bit as well."

_You and the baby are far more important._

"Ben—" Rey started, pausing when she felt the pitch of their connection waver, sending a cold shiver down her spine. "Ben? What is it?"

When Ben didn't answer she sat up straighter. "Ben? Please tell me what's wrong?"

Finally, he answered. _Anakin came to visit me again last night._

Instinctively Rey clenched her teeth. She was not a fan of Anakin Skywalker, especially since she held him personally responsible for their current predicament.

"Oh?" Rey said warily. "And what did he want this time?"

_He had a recommendation for aiding in my defence, but I'm not sure that I agree._

Rey grimaced, wondering what Anakin could've possibly said that would help. She highly doubted that the tribunal judges would be interested in the words of the man they only knew as Darth Vader, the most fearsome Sith Lord the galaxy had ever seen.

"Okay, so what is it?"

Silence fell across the bond, one that stretched so long that Rey was just about ready to march herself down to the brig and demand to see Ben when he finally answered.

_Anakin thinks I should—that I should expose you to the thoughts I try to keep hidden._

"Expose me?" Rey asked in confusion. "What does that mean?"

_He wants me to remove my mental blocks. He thinks it'll help me from becoming overwhelmed by the Dark again. Like that morning down by the river._

Rey's breath hitched as she recalled that horrible morning, when she found Ben hunched over on the riverbank, clutching a huge rock and bleeding from his face and hands. She'd never asked him specifically what had happened that morning, and Ben had never offered to tell her. She just knew that it could absolutely never, ever happen again.

And if removing his mental blocks would help him, something she'd been asking him to do for months now anyway, then she was more than willing for him to try.

Apparently for once, she and Anakin were in agreement.

"I think it's a good idea," she stated. "It's not good for you to keep those thoughts bottled up like you do, Ben. I've told you that multiple times. No one who's endured what you've endured should be expected to overcome it on their own."

_Maybe, but I still don't think it's the right time. Especially now, with the baby. You need your rest._

"I'm fine, Ben, I just—" She cut off when she sensed their bond waver again, and the true reason for Ben's hesitance hit her.

He was afraid that if he removed his mental blocks, that final mask that he still wore, Rey wouldn't love him anymore.

_Oh, my love. That couldn't be further from the truth._

"I'm going to come down to the brig," she said, swinging her legs over her bunk. "Maybe the guard will let us discuss this in person—"

_No!_ Ben practically shrieked. _No, sweetheart, please don't. Just… give me a moment…_

"Ben—"

But before Rey could finish her sentence Ben appeared at her side, looking so healthy and beautiful that she immediately launched herself into his arms, ducking her head under his chin.

"You didn't have to do this," she murmured into his chest. "The guards—"

"Shh, nevermind that now," Ben whispered into her hair.

Closing her eyes, Rey breathed in a deep breath, wishing with everything in her that Ben was real instead of only a projection.

"We need to do this, Ben," she said. "You're never going to get better if we don't, and if it can help in your defence then I don't see any downside to it."

Ben shook his head. "I never wanted it like this. It's not fair to you or the baby."

"That's because you're afraid," Rey said. She slid her palms up Ben's shoulders to cup his cheeks, meeting his beautiful brown eyes. "And there's no need for it. I love you completely, and nothing I see is going to change that. There's no reason for you to still wear masks around me."

Several heartbeats passed before Ben finally nodded.

"All right, but we're not going to do it until tomorrow. I want to make sure you're as well-rested as possible first."

"I understand," Rey whispered. Then she tucked herself back into her beloved's embrace, her heart lurching when she noticed him beginning to fade.

"Rest now, sweetheart," Ben said, softly kissing her lips. "I love you."

"And I love you," she murmured as he faded away. "All of you."

~~~~~

Despite Ben's unsurprising attempt to talk her out of it, Rey insisted that she was ready the following morning, reminding Ben that she only had two more days until she had to begin presenting his defence.

"I'm ready, Ben," she said as she relaxed on her bunk, closing her eyes. Already she could sense the intensity of Ben's fear across their bond, imagine his bottom lip trembling as it often did whenever he was scared or upset.

"It's all right, my love. We're both going to be all right."

_I hope so, sweetheart,_ she heard him reply. _I never—I never wanted it to be like this._

"It's worth it if it helps you to heal," she murmured.

_I hope so._

Rey inhaled a deep breath, closing her eyes as she exhaled. The bond began to waver again, slightly at first, then a bit stronger as she sensed what almost seemed like a door slowly sliding open across their connection.

It trickled at first, like a tiny leak in a dam that slowly grew larger and larger until suddenly Rey was flooded with such a strong deluge of darkness that it literally stole her breath.

"Ben!" she gasped, her fingers fisting in her thin bed coverings as every dark emotion possible washed over her mind. Sorrow. Frustration. Shame. Abandonment. Anger. Grief. Fury.

Numbness.

Vengefulness.

And the worst one of all, fear.

It played like a broken holo. Scene after scene of such torment and pain that if strung together could've been created by the Emperor himself. Baby Ben sobbing uncontrollably in his crib because neither of his parents could calm him. Toddler Ben levitating an entire jar of sugar over his momma's head but not understanding how he was doing it. Child Ben crying as he watched the Millennium Falcon take off, wondering why his daddy couldn't just stay home with him. Adolescent Ben burrowing deeper and deeper into his own thoughts as he struggled to ignore the voices polluting his mind.

Teenage Ben struggling to make friends at his Uncle Luke's Jedi temple, even though he knew such attachment was technically forbidden.

Young adult Ben waking up in his quarters to find his uncle standing over him, his lightsaber raised to kill. Both of his parents had been afraid of him, so why not Master Luke as well?

The resulting vicious fight with three of Ben's fellow Jedi pupils as the temple burned around them, and the loss of the one person with whom Ben had truly connected, a boy named Tai.

"Oh, Ben!" Rey cried as tears streamed down her cheeks. "Oh my love, I am so sorry!"

On and on the flood continued. Ben's confusion when he first sensed Rey, his mysterious pull to the light. His intense pain over killing his father, pain that he felt only weakened him.

" _You're so lonely, so afraid to leave."_

" _Your parents threw you away like garbage, but you can't stop needing them."_

Ben tapping into some of Rey's worst fears during his interrogation on Starkiller Base and later during one of their first Force bond connections had also pulled up those very same fears inside himself, only adding to his burden.

And finally, the bitterness he'd felt when Rey rejected him on the _Supremacy,_ when he'd believed he had offered her everything she could have wanted, and yet she still told him no.

It was all so strong, so incredibly strong that Rey was immobilised, its strength second only to the combined power of the Sith that she'd felt on Exegol.

"Ben, I'm so sorry!" Rey cried, her lungs begging for air. "I didn't—I didn't know—!"

_Rey, no, please don't let your guilt overwhelm you!_ Rey heard across the bond. _Think of our baby!_

_Our baby,_ Rey thought as she forced herself to suck in a stuttering breath. _Our baby who will bring balance._

"Our baby deserves a father who's free of this pain!" Rey forced through her clenched teeth, sucking in another deep breath as she deliberately unclenched her fists, placing her palms flat against the bunk.

"You deserve to be free of this pain," she repeated, a bit more quietly as tiny pricks of light began to pierce through the thick clouds of blackness, gradually growing larger with each of her breaths.

_Powerful light, powerful darkness._

_Balance._

The chirp of a bird. The comforting roar of the river. Beams of sunlight peeking over the horizon, bathing her face in warmth.

Ben's lips brushing across her forehead.

Slowly, Rey opened her eyes, gasping in relief as she saw Ben sitting next to her, his fingertips gently stroking her cheek.

"Rey," he murmured, his beautiful eyes glassy. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry! I shouldn't've—"

"No," Rey said firmly, pressing her fingers to his lips. "No apologies." Then she curled her arms around Ben's waist, burying her face into his chest as he gathered her close. "How do you feel?"

"Lighter," Ben answered a few heartbeats later. "Like the whole of Starkiller Base was just lifted off my shoulders."

"Then it was worth it." Rey tilted her head and pressed a kiss to the underside of Ben's jaw, wishing so badly that he was real instead of only a projection.

"I know what I'd like to name our baby, Ben," she said.

Ben looked at her in surprise. "Oh? And what's that?"

"Tai," answered Rey, smiling when Ben's lip began to quiver. "For your friend who believed in you when no one else did."

Tears rolled down Ben's cheeks as he tucked Rey's head under his chin, his long fingers stroking through her hair.

"It's perfect, sweetheart. He would've been honoured."

"Will you tell me more about him sometime?" Rey asked. "Once we're home again?"

"Yes, I will," Ben said, gently kissing her forehead. "Once we're home again."

_Once we're home again,_ Rey thought as images of their baby flitted across her mind.

_Baby Tai._

But first, Ben had to be set free. She had to make sure of it.

She would make sure of it.

Rey and Ben were a dyad in the Force, the very dyad that had defeated the Emperor and defied death to return to each other, and Rey was going to fight for him. Whether his enemy was Snoke, Palpatine, the Resistance tribunal, or even his own mind, Rey was going to fight for Ben. And she was going to win.

Hope wasn't dead. It was still growing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I can’t wait to see what you think! Please don’t forget to hit the kudos button and leave me a comment! 💖


	7. Part 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos and kind comments! I’m so glad you’re enjoying the story! 😊

_Ben jerked awake with a gasp, his eyes flicking briefly around the destroyed throne room. All around him fires burned, interspersed with the dead bodies of the Praetorian guards that he and Rey had battled following the death of Supreme Leader Snoke._

" _Where is she?" he mumbled as he pushed himself up on his elbow, blinking against the smoke stinging his eyes as he attempted to find Rey. He'd never seen anything like it before. The lightsaber had actually cracked in two, the kyber crystal inside it tearing apart with a massive flash of blinding light as the blast threw him and Rey backwards. Ben couldn't imagine that she wouldn't've been knocked out from the blast as well, so where was she?_

_He searched the room again through his burning eyes, his throat swollen from the soot still falling from the air like some sort of messed-up dystopian snowflakes._

_Rey was still nowhere to be found._

_Had she actually left him? Rejected him after he'd killed his master in order to save her life? Left him there alone on that burning floor while she escaped back to his mother and her precious Resistance? He had saved her life, offered her, a nobody scavenger from Jakku, the chance to rule the galaxy beside him as Supreme Leader, and she had rejected him._

_Shame and anger flooded Ben's veins, hotter than the orange flames still dancing around him. How could he have been so foolish to believe that Rey had actually wanted to help him?_

_How could he have ever been so foolish to think that she could actually love him, someone who was so unlovable that not even his own parents had wanted him?_

" _Ben," a voice suddenly said, forcing its way through his muddled thoughts. "Ben, wake up. It's only a dream."_

" _No," Ben—no_ Kylo _growled. "Ben Solo was weak and foolish, so I destroyed him. I am Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order. And I'm going to destroy her, and everything else around her! Let it all die! The Sith, the Jedi, the Resistance, let it all die!"_

" _Ben, please!" the voice pleaded, a voice so soft and kind that tears sprang to Ben's—no_ Kylo's _eyes. "Please, my love, it's only a dream!"_

" _No!" he cried as he dropped his head, squeezing it between his hands as he attempted to breathe in, his chest so tight it felt trapped in a suffocating Force grip. "It hurts! It hurts so much, I can't—I can't breathe—I can't—!" The light was completely hidden now, smothered by the shame of Rey's rejection, and Ben was left completely blind._

_He'd always been afraid of the dark. Afraid that the voices hidden inside it would come for him, take him away from everything that he knew and loved._

_And they had. They were all gone. His father, his mother, his uncle._

_All of them, gone._

_And now, Rey as well. She had left him, lying alone on that floor. She had walked away and never looked back._

_Is anybody out there? Can you—I need you to lead me to the light! Please? I can't—I can't find it on my own, I need—I need—_

" _Ben, you're not alone," the voice said, so soft and loving that Ben instantly dismissed it as only a figment of his imagination. "I've been here the whole time. Please, love, it's only a dream."_

" _No," Ben said stubbornly. "You're not real. Rey left me, she doesn't—she didn't want me."_

" _That's not true, Ben," said the voice. "I only wanted you. Just you."_

_In a flash everything shifted. Instead of the burning hot floor of Snoke's throne room Ben suddenly found himself lying on the freezing cold floor of the Sith temple on Exegol, shivering as Rey's eyes met his own, frantic with worry._

" _Ben!" she gasped as her fingers gently stroked his cheek. "Ben, I thought I'd lost you!"_

" _Rey?" Ben said, utterly confused. "Rey, you're—you're here?"_

_Rey smiled, a wide, angelic smile that lit up her entire face. Had he ever truly seen her smile before?_

_He reached up, tentatively cupping her cheek. "You brought me back," he murmured. "The light. You led me back to the light."_

" _No, Ben, the light was always there, it was just buried," Rey said. "I only helped you remove your masks so you could find it." Her tiny fingers curled around his own, her beautiful hazel eyes glassy as they swept across his face. "Now please, wake up!"_

"Rey!" Ben cried as he awoke, panting and shivering, crying out as he realised that Rey was no longer with him. "Rey, are you there?"

 _Yes my love, I'm here,_ he heard across the bond. _You were having another bad dream._

Ben huffed, squeezing his eyes closed as he attempted to uncurl his body, his limbs so tightly locked they felt frozen in place.

 _There's still hope in front of me,_ he thought, recalling Rey's words as she lulled him to sleep the night before. _There's still light, I just need to remember where to find it._

_Rey's hands are still holding me, even when I don't believe it._

_They always were._

"Rey," he murmured once he'd stretched out a little. "I'm so sorry I woke you, sweetheart."

 _No, no, none of that nonsense,_ she admonished. _Besides, I was already awake anyway. Your son decided he was hungry again._

Instinctively Ben's lips curled into a smile. His son. _Their_ son.

Baby Tai.

"Are you feeling better now?" he asked.

_Yes. He seems to like these rice crisps quite a lot. Can't understand why when they taste like glued-together sand, but—_

"As long as they keep you from getting sick I don't mind," Ben said. He inhaled another deep breath, resting his palm over his heart and wishing so badly that he and Rey could just go home already.

 _Of course you don't. You don't have to eat them._ She paused for a moment, their connection shimmering between them. _Do you want to talk about it?_

"No," Ben said quickly. He didn't want to do anything that would possibly upset Rey more than she already was. "No, I'm—I'm all right now."

 _No, you're not,_ Rey replied with a sigh. _But nice try anyway._

"Rey—"

_It's not going to magically go away overnight, Ben. You've taken some very big steps towards healing, yes, but it's still going to take time. And that's okay. Just remember that I'm here._

Ben shook his head, his throat thick with unshed tears. "You shouldn't have to carry me, sweetheart. Especially now."

The bond crackled for a moment, and Ben could just picture the adorable frown marring Rey's beautiful face.

_I'm pregnant, Ben. Pregnant doesn't equal sick. Or weak._

"I know that." Ben would never think for a second to call Rey weak. She was the strongest person he'd ever known. "I just meant—"

_You're still not used to sharing your burden. And that's okay. But I'm here now, I'm not going anywhere, and I want to help you._

"You already have, sweetheart," Ben whispered. "More than you'll ever know."

_Well, it seemed like you were able to get some good sleep at least, before the nightmare hit._

"Yes, I did," Ben said, groaning as he pushed himself up to a sitting position. He did feel a lot lighter after removing the last of his mental blocks, even as the guilt of exposing Rey to the rest of his lingering darkness still gnawed at him. "I'm just sorry it had to be like this."

 _I'm not,_ Rey said firmly. _It was about time._

"We still have a couple of hours before the trial resumes," Ben said. "Will you try and get some more sleep? Please?"

There was a short pause before Rey replied. _I will try._

"Thank you."

Ben tipped his head back while he waited, smiling slightly when he felt their bond settle into the comforting hum that indicated Rey had fallen asleep. She had been working nearly nonstop over the last three days trying to gather as much evidence as she could to support her arguments for his defence, a feat that had been greatly aided by the fact that during their search for possible colony sites for the former Stormtroopers the Resistance had just happened to stumble upon an old abandoned First Order communications base hidden inside a series of mountain caves. A base that had apparently been used as a backup for Supreme Leader Snoke's transmissions from the _Supremacy_ before it was destroyed.

Rey had been nearly beside herself with excitement as she studied the information, informing Ben that it contained not only evidence that proved he had not been involved with the construction and use of Starkiller Base or the recruitment of child soldiers for Stormtroopers, but also listed in what she'd called excruciating detail how Snoke and Palapatine had manipulated Ben into becoming their perfect First Order puppet.

And while Ben was _not_ looking forward to listening to Rey spell out how foolish he'd been to believe that what the Dark Side had offered him would somehow be better than remaining on the side of Light, at least it gave Rey a weapon with which to yield as she presented her arguments. So far it had been difficult for Ben to gauge the reactions of the three men and two women who made up the five-judge panel. He'd sensed that the two women, Commander D'Arcy and Lieutenant Connix, both of whom had been rather close to his mother, held at least some sympathy for him, while the three men, General Finn, General Dameron, and another officer named Beaumont, were still quite suspicious.

Not that Ben could blame them. After ten days of listening to the prosecution list out in vivid detail how Ben was personally responsible for every single death the Resistance endured during the entirety of the galactic war, he was grateful that Rey still believed he was innocent.

On the surface, and despite what Anakin had tried to tell him when he'd appeared to him two nights before, it did not seem as though the odds were in Ben's favour.

Rey was able to get a couple more hours of sleep before the trial resumed, and Ben was relieved to see when he arrived in the Justice Hall that she was just as beautiful as ever, seemingly suffering no ill effects from his mind-dump two days ago.

"Good morning, love," she whispered as he sat down, flexing his raw wrists.

"Are you all right?" Ben asked, forcibly restraining himself from trying to touch her. It had been pure torture to have to sit next to Rey day after day during the prosecution's presentation and not be allowed to touch her at all.

"I'm fine, Ben," she said, attempting a smile. "We're both fine."

"That's good." Ben shot her a brief wink before turning to face the judges, his head held high. He may not have felt the part, but he could at least look like he believed that he wasn't guilty.

"All right," General Poe said once everyone was quiet. "As you are likely already aware, this is military tribunal case number one-one-three-eight, The People vs. Ben Solo, also known throughout the galaxy as Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order. As the prosecution has now rested its case, today marks the beginning of the defence presentation." He nodded towards Rey, indicating for her to take her place near the front. "Whenever you're ready."

Ben's heart began to thud as Rey stepped up to the front. They had gone over her arguments together the day before, incorporating the new evidence into the already exhaustive research Rey had conducted into Ben's background, pouring through every single word in Master Luke's old books to try and corroborate as much as she possibly could. Rey's fingers were still stained with ink from all the notes that she'd scribbled, the very same notes she held clutched in her hands now as she paused to make eye contact with each of the five judges, deliberately relaxing her shoulders the way Ben had taught her.

And if Ben had thought that Rey was a formidable force before, that was nothing compared to how she was as she presented her opening arguments. For the entire morning Ben listened in barely-concealed awe as Rey spoke in sometimes painful detail comparing Ben's grooming by Snoke and Palpatine to the theft of children by the father of Armitage Hux, children that would eventually be destined to fill the Stormtrooper ranks in General Hux's attempt to create an army similar to the former clone army of the Republic. Pointing out that in its infancy the First Order specifically sought out the children of Rebellion leaders, Rey stated that Ben in particular was targeted due to the fact that he was not only the son of Leia Organa, who served as a Senator in the New Republic, but also because he was the nephew of Luke Skywalker, the Jedi Knight regarded as the arch-enemy of Emperor Palpatine and the one person who Palpatine feared could possibly derail his plan.

On and on Rey spoke, exquisitely regaling her discussion with Master Luke regarding Ben, explaining that he was targeted by Palpatine even before he was born and that as he grew older, Ben's parents became more and more afraid of him, eventually becoming so frightened of the darkness taking root inside of him that they sent him away to live with Master Luke, in the hopes that training to become a Jedi would be enough to stamp the darkness out.

Only, it wasn't. All it did was postpone the inevitable.

However, based on the newly-acquired evidence of Snoke's transmissions, even that inevitable had apparently been expertly orchestrated.

 _It's all right, sweetheart,_ Ben sent across their bond as Rey took advantage of the crowd's momentary distraction to take a sip of water. _Don't worry about me, just tell the truth._

_It's going to be very difficult for you to hear._

Ben pursed his lips. _I can handle it, Rey._

And he could. If Ben was good at anything, it was masking his pain.

With a single nod, Rey turned back to face the judges, clearing her throat.

"Thanks to the evidence uncovered by Resistance scouts and presented to me by General Finn," Rey began. "It is now obvious that Ben Solo's fate was just as tragically orchestrated as the life of General Finn, who prior to his defection to the Resistance was known as FN-2187, Stormtrooper." A burst of hushed murmurs broke out amongst the crowd as Rey continued, bolstered by the obvious surprise of the judges.

"General Finn had no choice but to succumb to the will of the First Order when he was taken from his family as a small child, and neither did Ben Solo," Rey said. "For as Ben grew, and his understanding of the Force grew with him, so did the voices speaking inside his head. The voices that grew to such a near-constant level that eventually they prompted his very own uncle, Master Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight, to creep into Ben's sleeping quarters in the middle of the night and attempt to kill him."

"What?" exclaimed General Dameron, gaping at Rey like a fish. "No, that can't be true! I can't believe Luke Skywalker would do that!"

"It is true," Rey said firmly. "Told to me by none other than Master Luke himself. But the intense darkness he felt in Ben that night that tempted him to attempt to kill his own nephew wasn't coming from Ben at all. It was all Palpatine. Ben was once again being manipulated by Palpatine and unfortunately, Master Luke was unable to see it in time." She paused, sucking in a deep breath. "And as you can likely guess, that single act of fear created repercussions that rippled across the entire galaxy, destroying countless lives in the process.

"And just like you, General Dameron, acted as the catalyst that prompted FN-2187 to remove his helmet and renounce the First Order, I was for Ben Solo. I was his catalyst that enabled him to tear off his masks and renounce his persona of Kylo Ren just when the Resistance needed him the most."

Silence fell across the Justice Hall as General Dameron turned to look at General Finn, his eyebrows knitting into a frown.

"Is that true?" he asked, thick with disbelief. "What Rey just said, is that true?"

General Finn gave a somber nod. "Yeah, it is. On Jakku, you took out the trooper right next to me, and I held him as he died. Afterwards, once we were back on the ship, I took off my helmet and I saw his bloody handprint. That's when I decided that I couldn't do it anymore. That I needed to get away. So I did."

"And you never told me any of this, why?" asked Dameron.

"Well, I told Rey," General Finn said with a shrug. "I guess—"

"Well that's all well and good, but this seems like something that I would've wanted to know as well!" Dameron exclaimed. "We've worked together for how long now?"

"Generals, if I may," interrupted Lieutenant Connix. "I believe it is time to break for lunch, so…"

"Oh. Yes, I guess it is," said Dameron. He shot a final glare in General Finn's direction. "We will now pause for a one-hour recess, after which Rey will continue her presentation."

Barely before Dameron had finished his statement Ben felt the rough hand of one of his guards grip his shoulder. "All right, Ren, let's go," he growled as he dragged Ben from his seat and clapped the binders on his wrists, with Rey sadly watching as he was led back to the brig.

 _I hope this is the last time I have to see them do that to you,_ Rey sent across the bond. _I hate having to watch them take you away._

"Can't say I'm a big fan of it either," Ben murmured. "Don't forget to eat now, okay?"

_Not like your son gives me any choice in the matter._

Once again Ben couldn't help but smile at Rey's use of "his" son whenever Tai seemed to be extra demanding.

"We're both just trying to keep you healthy, sweetheart," said Ben. "You can't fault us for it."

 _I don't,_ Rey replied. _Well, at least not too much._

Ben was actually able to meditate for a bit during the recess, taking advantage of the guards being distracted by their own lunch. Meals in the brig were only served twice a day, which was fine with Ben since his appetite had been lacking anyway ever since they'd arrived on the base. For how organised the Resistance seemed to be, whoever was running their kitchens had a lot to learn about cooking.

Regardless, he was very grateful for the time he was able to steal for meditation because he could sense Rey's intense nervousness emanating from her even as the guards escorted him back to the Justice Hall. The morning's presentation had gone exceedingly well, better than Ben had even dared to hope, and he was so proud of Rey he could hardly stand it. But he knew that what was planned for the afternoon could very well make or break his verdict, as Rey was going to be delving into the specific crimes of which Ben was accused.

The massive destruction and loss of life resulting from the use of Starkiller Base, the fierce battle fought in the space above D'Qar that destroyed the Resistance's flagship and almost killed his mother, the battle on Crait, and, perhaps the worst of them all, the death of Ben's father.

"It's going to be all right, sweetheart," Ben whispered once he was seated. "You can do this."

Rey gave a stuttered nod, biting her bottom lip as General Dameron called her up to the front. Her beautiful eyes met his as she sucked in a deep breath, glancing briefly down at her notes before she began.

"Starkiller Base was constructed from the ice planet of Ilum, known across the galaxy as containing one of the richest deposits of kyber crystals," Rey began. "Due to the fact that the Galactic Empire had spent considerable resources into not one but two separate Death Stars, both of which were destroyed by the Rebellion, the First Order believed that converting the planet into a weapon instead would be both more formidable and less expensive. This base was intended by the First Order to strike what it hoped was the final blow to the Resistance and its supporters, both of whom at the time were still on rather shaky ground.

"However, while Ben Solo was in fact present on the completed base when the order came from Leader Snoke to target the D'Qar system, he was not at all involved with the construction of the weapon or with its use," Rey said firmly. "That onus fell exclusively on General Hux and Leader Snoke."

"And are we to assume that you have proof of this?" asked Officer Beaumont, which was the first time Ben had heard him say anything during Rey's arguments.

Rey pursed her lips. "Yes, I do." The First Order communications recently acquired by the Resistance contain a series of messages sent between General Hux and Supreme Leader Snoke regarding the base, and in not a single one of them is Ben Solo or Kylo Ren mentioned, either by name or reference, nor are there any messages sent by Kylo Ren to Leader Snoke that reference it. From the evidence that's available, Kylo Ren was kept completely separate from everything regarding Starkiller Base, including the orders to fire."

Beaumont raised his eyebrows, glancing over at General Finn as he shrugged.

"Oh. Well, all right then. Please, continue."

Rey glanced quickly at Ben, who gave her what he hoped was an encouraging nod.

_Don't worry about me, sweetheart. Just tell the truth._

"All right," Rey said as she checked her notes. "I believe the next item is the destruction of the Resistance ship, the _Raddus._ Now, while it is true that Ben did appear to be involved in that attack, it is worth mentioning that directly before he joined in the First Order offensive he was called before Supreme Leader Snoke and harshly berated for what Snoke perceived as Ben's failure to not only cast away what he termed as Ben's weaknesses, but also for the fact that he was gravely injured during the subsequent lightsaber duel that took place on the surface of Ilum as it was being destroyed." Rey paused, her pretty hazel eyes radiating sorrow as she glanced back at Ben. "So not only was Ben already injured when he was called on to join that battle, he was also completely humiliated.

"And yet, despite his intense pain and humiliation, when he sensed the presence of his mother on board the _Raddus,_ Ben Solo made the choice to veer off on his attack vector and return to Snoke's ship, the _Supremacy,_ rather than attempt to fire on the ship and possibly injure or kill his mother. It was, in fact, Ben's wingman who fired that nearly-fatal shot, and not Ben himself."

"And again, you have proof of this?" asked Officer Beaumont.

"Yes," replied Rey. "It is contained in a batch of communiques sent by General Hux to Leader Snoke following that battle, in which General Hux spent several minutes ranting about Kylo Ren's lack of conviction when it mattered most."

Ben's heart fluttered as Beaumont raised his eyebrows, glancing briefly over at Lieutenant Connix as she swiped a tear from her eye.

Much to their probable dismay, Rey was actually getting through to them.

"All right, but I'm afraid that none of that still justifies what happened on Crait," General Finn said as he glared in Ben's direction. "We were trapped, completely cornered after suffering nearly devastating losses and with absolutely no backup, and from what we could see, Ren was going full throttle in his attempts to wipe us out."

Shame washed over Ben like a wave. He had been so angry, so hurt over what he'd perceived as Rey's betrayal on the _Supremacy_ that he'd been nearly out of his mind during that battle. Biting his lip, he glanced down at the raw stripes marking his wrists, scraping his fingernail across the barely-scabbed over sores and watching as they began to bleed. This was going to be the most difficult part of Rey's presentation, for both himself and for her.

 _Please, Ben, don't do that,_ Rey pleaded across the bond. _It hurts me when you're in pain._

With a sharp gasp Ben drew his hand away, clenching his fingers into fists instead. He had forgotten that his mental blocks were no longer in place.

_I'm sorry, sweetheart. I won't do it again._

"If I may, let me first begin by addressing the death of Han Solo," Rey said, clearing her throat when her voice wavered. Ben could sense that her nausea was starting to return, and he closed his eyes, pleading with their unborn son to try and hold off just a little bit longer.

_Please, little one. Give Mommy just a little more time._

"It is fairly common knowledge amongst the Jedi that in order for a Sith apprentice to fully embrace the Dark Side, he or she must first pass a test," Rey said. "Anakin Skywalker, for example, who after embracing his new identity as Darth Vader, was tasked with destroying all of the younglings currently studying in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. For Ben, who had already been assigned by Leader Snoke to find and destroy Luke Skywalker, when Han Solo suddenly appeared on Starkiller Base, Snoke then decided that in order for Ben to complete his training, he needed to kill him.

"It is imperative to remember that by this point, Ben had been separated from his parents since he was ten years old. In fact, Ben had spent more years of his life training with Master Luke than he'd had with his own mother and father and had not seen either of them since the day he was sent away. Now, try, if you will, to imagine how you might feel if you had just gone almost twenty years without seeing your own father, who you believed was afraid of you and no longer loved you. How might you react in that situation?"

A hushed murmur rose from the crowd, with Rey taking advantage of their momentary distraction to gulp down some water.

 _I love you so much, Rey,_ Ben sent across the bond, his eyes still tightly closed. _It's going to be all right._

"Try to imagine just how Ben had to feel in that moment," Rey continued, her strong voice belying her nervousness. "When he realised that in order to please the only Master who seemed to have truly accepted him, something he had been conditioned to believe, he had to kill his own father. Now, imagine as Ben senses his father's presence on Starkiller Base but chooses not to pursue him, hoping instead that he'll simply give up and leave. Imagine as Ben attempts to walk away from his father only to have Han call out to him, demanding to see his face, a face he hasn't seen since Ben was ten years old. Listen as Han attempts to talk to Ben, telling him that it's not too late, that he can still come home. That he feels as though he's being torn apart because Snoke is only using him as a means to a horrible end.

"Imagine as all of this is happening just as the last of the light from D'Qar's star gets extinguished by the base's weapon, and there's nothing left behind but darkness."

Rey paused for a moment for her words to sink in, the Justice Hall absolutely silent.

"Yes, Ben Solo did kill his father on that day, and it was horrible," Rey said. "It was so horrible that I literally felt Ben's heart break as he did it, felt his nearly overwhelming anguish as he watched his father fall from the scaffold into the abyss. Neither Ben nor I knew it at the time, but our destinies were inextricably linked, which meant that I felt his guilt and pain as clearly as if they were my own."

She paused again as Ben opened his eyes, the intensity of his beloved's guilt hitting him like a blaster shot.

_No, my love, please don't torture yourself with guilt now, it won't help anything! Think of our son!_

_It hurts, Ben!_ Rey cried, her anguish nearly cleaving his heart in two. _I'm so sorry!_

_We can get through it, Rey. The two of us can get through anything._

Or at least, Ben hoped that they could.

"Rey?" said Dameron. "Are you ready to continue?"

Rey gave a nod, straightening her shoulders.

"Now, try to imagine the repercussions of that horrible act," she said. "Imagine the way that Snoke used Ben's very real guilt to further his torture, taunting him as weak, undisciplined, and compassionate. Try to imagine Ben getting a chance to attempt to make up for that act of darkness shortly thereafter by saving my life when Snoke ordered him to kill me, and killing Snoke instead.

"And now," she said, again glancing back at Ben and blinking away tears. "Imagine Ben, who after finally killing the being who had manipulated and tortured him for his entire life, holding out his hand towards the one person he believed understood him. Only Ben couldn't fathom that anyone could love him for himself, only for what he could offer them, so he offers her a place at his side, to rule the galaxy together. But that's not what she wanted and he wasn't quite ready to see that, so she rejects his offer and leaves him behind, just as he felt every other person in his life had done."

Rey sniffed as she turned to face the judges head-on. "If you can imagine it, then that was the Ben whom we all saw on Crait. A tortured, broken, shell of a man who felt as though he had nothing more to lose. And it was exactly how Palpatine wanted him."

She paused again, the silence in the massive room nearly deafening.

"Ben Solo never truly fell to the Dark Side of the Force, he was imprisoned by it. Trapped by the schemes of a man who desired power above all else and who had spent decades manipulating everything around him to suit his own ultimate evil purposes, the complete extinction of the Jedi and the rebirth of the Sith.

"But instead of surrendering to Palpatine and his immense power, Ben instead chose to face him, side by side with me on Exegol. Instead of cowering in fear, Ben instead chose to break free of it, and just in time, for without him the Resistance would no longer be. I would not have been able to face Palpatine down by myself, and that is a fact which is indisputable."

As soon as Rey finished speaking she pitched forward, grabbing onto the edge of the table. Instinctively Ben reached for her, barely managing to pull himself back as one of the guards grabbed onto his shoulder.

 _Rey?_ he asked frantically. _Are you all right?_

"Does that conclude your arguments, Rey?" asked General Finn.

"Yes," Rey said, clear and true. "It does."

"All right. The judges will now retreat to contemplate their votes. We will reconvene once a verdict has been reached. Dismissed!"

"Rey!" Ben practically shrieked as the guards hauled him up, slapping the cuffs over his wrists. "Sweetheart, go and rest now, okay? Please?"

"I promise," she said as a single tear snaked its way down her cheek. "Ben, I—!"

 _I love you so much!_ she cried across the bond. _Ben, do you think—_

_No sweetheart, don't. It won't help anything. Please, just go and rest now, okay? Baby Tai needs you to stay healthy._

_All right._

"It's going to be all right, it's going to be all right, it's going to be all right," Ben muttered, over and over as the guards led him back to the brig, shoving him into his cell even harder than usual and slamming the door closed. But not even their harshness could change the fact that Rey had just poured her whole heart and soul into defending him in front of the entire leadership of the Resistance. Ben had never been more in awe of her than he'd been during her presentation, nearly biting through his lip to keep his tears contained as she argued for his release with more passion and skill than someone who'd been arguing cases their entire life.

Rey had made him sound like someone worth saving, and now, no matter what happened with the actual verdict, as far as Ben was concerned Rey had already set him free.

"I love you, sweetheart," he sent across their bond. "No matter what, always remember that."

 _I could never forget it,_ Rey replied. _Not in a million lifetimes._

~~~~~

The three days spent by the judges in deliberations were some of the longest days of Ben's life. He managed keep himself somewhat distracted by hovering over Rey, ensuring that she managed to eat regularly and get at least some sleep, but with his waning energy levels and the fact that the guards "forgot" to give him both of his meals on the third day, by the time he was brought into the Justice Hall to announce the verdict he felt as though he was barely holding himself together.

 _Rey,_ he said as he noticed her bitten-down fingernails. _Sweetheart, it's going to be okay._

Rey gave a stuttered nod, flinching when General Finn cleared his throat.

_I hope so!_

"After a total of eleven days of testimony and presentations in the trial of Ben Solo, also known as Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order, we are prepared to submit our votes. Officer Beaumont, you will begin."

"I vote guilty," Beaumont said, his narrowed eyes firmly trained on Ben.

"Very well," said the general. "Lieutenant Connix?"

"I vote not guilty," she said, smiling softly at Rey. Rey had told him that the young lieutenant had been particularly fond of his mother.

"All right," said General Finn. "Commander D'Acy?"

"I vote not guilty," she replied. "For Leia."

General Finn nodded, jerking his head in the direction of General Dameron.

"General Dameron?"

Ben watched as the general pursed his lips, deliberately avoiding looking at Ben. Ben had known Poe Dameron since they were children, but based on what he'd sensed from him during the trial, their childhood acquaintance had been all but buried.

"I vote guilty," he said coldly, and Ben flinched as Rey let out a hard shiver. The vote was now tied, which meant that General Finn's vote would decide Ben's fate, and based on the fact that Ben almost killed him during their duel on Starkiller Base, any remaining hope for his release was rapidly fading.

"Ben!" Rey gasped, in the same frightened tone that she'd used in Snoke's throne room on the _Supremacy,_ when she thought Ben was going to kill her. "Ben, I—!"

 _It's gonna be okay, sweetheart_ ," he sent across the bond, desperately trying to believe it himself _. It's gonna be okay, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna be—_

"I vote not guilty," stated General Finn, and Rey let out such a loud gasp that Ben's belly swooped. He turned to her, his own shock mirrored in the expression on her beautiful face as he reached for her hand, ignoring the erupting crowd as he jumped to his feet and pulled her into the biggest hug he could possibly imagine.

"Rey!" he rasped into her hair as tears dripped from his eyes. "Rey, we—!"

"Ben, you're free!" Rey shrieked. "We—we can go home!"

"Home," Ben murmured as he kissed her temple, squeezing her as tightly as he dared. Back to their little home in the woods on Naboo, back to their life of serenity and quiet, where they could raise baby Tai in peace, surrounded by love and acceptance. Anakin had told Ben that one of his biggest regrets was that he'd never had the chance to raise his own children, and Ben had feared the very same fate for himself, but now—

Now he no longer had to worry, because he was _free._

_Even after all I've seen, there was still hope in front of me._

* * *

_**Stop by and see me on tumblr. I’m[geeky-writes](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geeky-writes) and [geekys-starwars](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geekys-starwars%20) there 😊 ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t wait to see what you think! Please don’t forget to hit the kudos button and leave me a comment! 💖


	8. Part 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for going on this journey with me! 
> 
> Content warning for a non-graphic childbirth scene towards the end 💖

"There we are, dear, all ready," said the elderly seamstress as she tied off the final stitch on the hem of Rey's wedding dress. She stepped back, her eyes sweeping across Rey as a wide smile stretched across her face. "Oh my dear child, you are absolutely beautiful. Padmé would have adored you."

Rey breathed in as she nodded, carefully running her palms across the gathered silk and linen skirt of her dress. It was absolutely the finest garment that she'd ever seen, much less had the opportunity to wear, and she was almost afraid to move lest she wrinkle or otherwise spoil it somehow.

"Thank you," she finally whispered, swallowing against the knot in her throat. "It's—it's… so beautiful!"

"Well, you're a true princess now, my dear. No harm in looking the part," said the seamstress, a lady named Teb, who had been the apprentice to Queen Amidala's official seamstress during her reign on Naboo, and who had painstakingly kept the Queen-turned-Senator's wardrobe intact during all of the intervening years, in the hopes that someday someone would turn up with connections to the family who she could then pass it to.

"I'll be going to check on your bridegroom now," added Teb. "Can I get you anything before I go?"

"No, thank you," Rey said. "I'm—I'm fine."

"Very good, dear. And congratulations! You make such a beautiful bride!"

Rey gave her a smile. Like pretty much everyone that she and Ben had encountered on Naboo, Teb was a truly lovely person.

"Thank you," she said. "For everything."

As soon as Teb exited the room Rey stepped over to the full-length mirror, her eyes going wide as she examined her reflection. The flowing ivory dress flecked with pale pinks and greens and lined with bits of lace that shimmered in the sunlight fit her as though it had been made for her, while her hair, braided in the traditional Alderaanian wedding style by Ben himself, sat atop her head like a crown.

She really did look like an actual princess, and for someone who had grown up in the middle of a desolate, desert planet, wearing little more than strategically placed lengths of cloth and with no real home or family to call her own, it was more than a little overwhelming.

It honestly had never occured to Rey for her and Ben to get officially married. In her eyes she and Ben already were married, their dyad connection stronger than any official proclamation or document could ever be, and she had considered them so ever since they had fled together from Exegol. But Ben had surprised her the afternoon following his verdict of innocence and proposed to her right there in her quarters, clad in nothing but a towel since she hadn't thought to ask about any clothes for him. She had been so confused at first by his question that she'd nearly given him a heart attack before she was able to explain herself, finally telling him that of course she would marry him, if for no other reason than to wipe the panicked expression from his face.

But if it helped Ben gain even a greater measure of peace to be able to officially call Rey his wife, Rey was more than willing to grant it for him.

They had initially planned to marry directly after their return to Naboo, a return delayed by a short trip to Ahch-To to retrieve Ben's new kyber crystal. In yet another seemingly odd twist of fate, Ben had dreamed of the location of his crystal during that very first night following his acquittal, discovering it hidden at the bottom of the very same pool that Rey had fallen into during her stay on the island, the "darkness" about which Master Luke had warned her.

Rey still hadn't felt like trying to decipher the odd Jedi metaphoric riddles that would explain why Ben's crystal was located at the bottom of that pool, and nor would she bother. She and Ben had both decided that they'd had enough of such things and would no longer be bothered by them. They would continue with their training in the Force, yes, and most of the lessons they had learned from Master Luke and Leia, but they were not and would not be Jedi.

" _Let the past die,"_ Ben had said to her in Snoke's throne room all those months ago, and Rey had every intention of trying.

And, based on the series of unexpected events that had occured, one after another ever since Ben's verdict was announced, it seemed as though the Force was just fine with their decision.

They had started as Ben and Rey were preparing to take their leave from Ajan Kloss. Rey had intended to barter with Poe Dameron in the hopes of obtaining a small cargo ship or something similar in exchange for Master Luke's old X-wing when Poe and Finn brought them face-to-face with none other than Lando Calrissian and Chewbacca, who had conveniently just returned from their mission scouting possible colony sites for the former Stormtroopers.

Rey had wondered about Lando and Chewie a few times over the course of Ben's trial, and had even asked Finn about them. Finn had informed her they were on such a mission, but the fact that they didn't return until the day after Ben's verdict was decided was more than a bit suspicious.

Regardless, the somewhat awkward meeting ended with Lando presenting Ben with Han's beloved golden dice, the very dice Ben had enjoyed playing with as a child, and telling him that the _Millennium Falcon_ was now his. Ben had been hesitant at first, uncomfortable to the point where Rey tried to tell him that he could refuse it if he wanted, but he had eventually accepted. He had told Rey several times that he'd always wanted to be a pilot when he was small, and it filled Rey with joy to be able to watch him fly his father's old ship away from Ajan Kloss, his face etched in such boyish wonder and delight that she'd had to blink back tears.

Ben had waited most of his life for a chance to pilot the _Falcon,_ and now he could do so whenever he wanted.

Following their detour to Ahch-To to obtain Ben's crystal, Rey and Ben had returned to Naboo to find that they had already been granted hangar space in the main city, paid for by an unknown benefactor. Initially they had chalked it up to yet another odd intervention by the Force, but two days later, when they arrived in the old bookshop to resume Ben's employment, they were shocked to find that the lead councillor for the Amidala family was not only a very good friend of the bookshop's owner, but that he had been anxiously awaiting Ben's return.

And barely three seconds after the elderly man had laid eyes on Ben he'd pulled him into a hug, telling him that there was no question about it because his eyes were the exact same shade of brown as Padmé's had been.

Padmé Amidala, the former Queen of Naboo, was Ben's grandmother. And since Ben was now the sole surviving member of the Amidala family, he was due to inherit a trust fund that totalled no less than three million credits and not one but two separate houses, one located within the main city limits that was so big Rey preferred to call it a palace rather than a house, and a slightly smaller but no less decadent home out in the lake country.

Rey had ruled out moving into the palace right away; she was far too content with their little house out in the woods to ever feel at home in such a massive place, a decision with which Ben had readily agreed. Not wanting for such a grand building to continue to sit unused, however, she and Ben decided to have it converted into a series of multiple smaller homes, better suited to help house the millions of families displaced by years of galactic war. Several of the so-called "older families" initially voiced resistance to such a change but Ben prevailed, and construction on the building was already in progress.

At Ben's suggestion, though, Rey had agreed to hold their simple marriage ceremony on the balcony of the lake house, the very same place where Anakin Skywalker had taken Padmé as his bride. Rey smiled as she looked out onto that balcony now, only a few paces away from the fitting room where she stood, too nervous to attempt to sit down as she waited for the ceremony to begin.

Letting out a contented sigh, Rey tipped her head against the doorframe, looking out across the vast countryside. The colours were so bright on Naboo they seemed almost artificial, as though painted with an artist's brush instead of nature, and Rey's smile grew even wider as she imagined baby Tai at play, hearing his squeals of laughter as he explored their gorgeous new home.

Their child wouldn't be forced to grow up on a barren planet with only sand beneath his feet, like Rey had been. Their child—along with any future children that may come along—would only know places like this, bustling with the bright colours of life and love.

Hope, instead of despair. And if Rey had her way, her children would never have to know the agony of despair.

The arrival of the official Ben had contracted to perform their ceremony caught Rey's attention, and she immediately straightened her back, once again thanking their unborn son for keeping his demands to a minimum. She had eaten a full meal and then some prior to getting into her dress in the hopes that it would be enough to get her through the ceremony without her nausea flaring up, and so far Tai seemed to be cooperating.

"Thank you, little one," Rey whispered, pressing her palm to her slightly rounded belly.

No sooner had the words left her mouth when Ben appeared at the other end of the balcony, looking so breathtakingly handsome that for a moment Rey was quite literally frozen in place. Teb the seamstress had informed Rey that Padmé's vast wardrobe had also included a few men's suits, presumably made for Anakin's use, and Ben had decided that instead of commissioning an entirely new suit for himself that he would choose one of those instead.

And oh, did he look dashing!

Styled somewhat similarly to Jedi's robes but still different enough, Ben's rich charcoal grey long jacket gleamed in the bright midday sun shining down onto the balcony, contrasting beautifully with the ivory shirt that he wore beneath it. His hair, freshly washed and trimmed, shined like one of the rare onyx stones Rey had occasionally seen being traded in Niima Outpost, and his smile… Rey was absolutely certain that she'd never seen such a glorious smile on his face, a smile that no doubt was mirrored on her own.

Straightening her shoulders, Rey picked up the simple bouquet of wildflowers that she'd gathered that morning and began walking towards the official, with Ben stepping towards her from the opposite side. As soon as they were close enough Ben reached for her hand, his fingers closing around hers in a firm grip.

"Hi," Ben said, so shyly that Rey couldn't help but let out a giggle. _You're too beautiful for words, sweetheart,_ he added across the bond.

"Hi yourself," she replied, giggling again when Ben shot her a wink. He squeezed her hand as the official cleared his throat, not taking his eyes off of Rey once during the brief ceremony, during which Rey could have sworn that she noticed the Force ghosts of Luke, Leia, and Anakin standing off to the side in the shadows, all with happy smiles on their faces.

The Skywalkers, welcoming Rey into their family. She only wished that she could've met Padmé as well, and maybe even seen Han one final time.

Even so, it was enough.

And as soon as the official pronounced them husband and wife, Ben cupped Rey's cheeks in his hands and gently kissed her lips, the kiss nearly ruined by both of their smiles.

"Rey!" he rasped into her ear as he lifted her off her feet twirling her around as he laughed. "Sweetheart, you're my wife!"

"Yes, I am!" Rey replied, just as happily. For now she was no longer Rey from Nowhere, Rey Nobody, or just Rey of Jakku, scavenger.

She was Rey Solo.

And she wasn't going to tackle that metaphoric riddle either.

They made small talk with the official for a few minutes afterwards, even though Rey was already extremely antsy to get Ben alone. Aside from him braiding her hair that morning, at Ben's request they hadn't seen each other for most of the previous day, telling Rey that it was traditional for the bride and groom to spend time apart prior to the wedding. Rey thought that seemed a bit silly but agreed anyway, thinking that it wouldn't be that big of a deal since it would only be for one night.

But for two people who had grown so used to sleeping tangled together and who had only been separated during their time on the Resistance Base for Ben's trial, even spending that one night apart had been so difficult that neither of them were able to actually sleep much, with Ben promising Rey before the sun even started to rise that he would never spend the night apart from her again.

Which happened to suit Rey just fine.

Finally able to say goodbye to the official, Ben took Rey's hand and led her down to the main dining room where he'd arranged for an entire spread of all of her favourite foods, including the herbal tea that she'd grown to love during her time training with Leia. Holding hands while they ate, Rey listened to Ben explain his plans for expanding their cabin, plans he'd initially developed before they'd left for Ajan Kloss. Back then he had been planning to do most of the work himself, somehow thinking he'd find the time between his copy work and training, but with the discovery of his inheritance they now could afford to hire some help, which Rey had to admit she far preferred.

"We'll need a fresher, of course," he began. "Maybe even two, so Tai can have his own once he gets a bit older, and—"

"As long as it's big enough for both of us. And tall enough for you to fit in without having to crouch down," Rey said as she tore off a large piece of flatbread, covering it liberally with honey. It had been almost comical how small the fresher had been back at the Resistance Base, where Ben had practically had to get on his knees to fit underneath. The fresher on the _Falcon_ was a bit bigger but still not big enough for both Rey and Ben to fit inside together, which is what she wanted.

Ben gave her a rather wry grin as he popped a berry into his mouth. "I thought we could even include a bathtub," he said. "Like that one you seem to enjoy so much here?"

"Really?" Rey exclaimed. "Are you serious?"

"Of course I am!" Ben said, laughing as Rey practically launched herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck. "I wouldn't dare joke about something like that!"

"Oh, thank you!" Rey murmured into Ben's neck.

"Of course, sweetheart," Ben said, brushing his lips across hers in a soft kiss. "Why would I deny my beautiful wife something as simple as her very own bathtub?"

"Simple," said Rey. "I guess it is that, isn't it?" She sat back down onto her chair, keeping a tight hold on Ben's hand. Water had been such a scarce and expensive commodity on Jakku that the thought of filling an entire person-sized tub of it just for soaking was almost unheard of. In fact, Rey had never even seen a bathtub in person until she and Ben first toured the two Amidala homes, after which he had told her that his mother had often indulged in such a luxury on an almost daily basis while he was small, and that he had as well.

"Although I didn't consider it much of a luxury," he'd said, his full bottom lip stuck out in such an adorable pout that Rey couldn't help but laugh. "In fact, I'm pretty sure my dad had to wrestle me in there most of the time."

"Oh, I bet he loved that," Rey had replied, still giggling at the thought of a tiny, petulant Ben pouting because his mother had told him it was time to come inside and take a bath.

She so loved listening to Ben tell her stories about his childhood. And the fact that he now felt comfortable enough talking about his childhood with her in the first place. He had come so far since that awful battle on Exegol, where he had very seriously believed that once he'd revived Rey, she would simply get up and leave him there.

Leave him behind. Alone.

_Solo._

And the expression on his face right after she'd kissed him for the first time, his adorable look of stunned shock, was still etched into the forefront of Rey's memory.

As were many more of the experiences they'd had over the ensuing year, not the least of which was seeing that very same expression on Ben's face again, after Finn had announced his not guilty verdict.

"I'll even make sure that it's big enough for both of us," Ben said, jolting Rey from her thoughts. "Would you like that?"

"You know I will," she said as she brought Ben's hand to her lips, pressing slow kisses to each of his knuckles. Rey so loved Ben's hands. They were a bit rougher now that they weren't always encased in gloves, with callouses from his writing work and from their training exercises, all of which made her love them even more. Rey loved the way Ben's hands had built their forest home, how they held her close to him at night, how they wrote the brilliant calligraphy that earned their credits so they could live.

How they had brought her back to life, infusing Ben's life Force into her after the defeat of Emperor Palpatine.

"Ben," she murmured, watching as his breath hitched with each touch of her lips. _Ben, please._

"Sweetheart," he whispered, his fingers tightening around hers. "Are you sure you've eaten enough?"

"Yes," Rey said as she got to her feet, pulling Ben up to his. She let out a soft gasp as Ben's eyes grew darker, his arms curling around her waist as she wound hers around his neck. "Take me to bed now, husband."

"Oh, I love the sound of that," Ben practically growled just before dipping his head to claim her lips. One large hand slid up to cup Rey's cheek as his tongue swiped across her bottom lip, asking permission like the gentleman he always was. Rey whimpered as she parted her lips to allow him in, her fingers weaving into his silky black hair as his tongue plundered her mouth.

"Ben," she gasped as he broke away from her mouth to trail kisses down her jaw to her neck, landing in her pulse point. "Ben, take me to bed!"

"Yes," Ben said against her skin as he slid his arm underneath her knees, lifting her so easily it was as though she weighed nothing. Rey peppered his face and jaw with kisses as he carried them to the master bedroom, placing her gently down and shrugging out of his suit jacket before reaching for the lace straps that held the back of her dress together.

"I could barely breathe when I first saw you walking towards me," he murmured as he carefully unthreaded the laces, his lips brushing across her neck sending warm shivers down Rey's spine. "You're so beautiful Rey, even more beautiful than an angel. I still can't believe I get to hold you like this, get to kiss you and touch you and—"

"No," Rey whispered, covering Ben's mouth with her fingers. "Please, don't talk like that. I love you. I've always loved you, even when I didn't believe it."

_Even when I was scared of what it meant._

Ben nodded, his lower lip quivering as he kissed her fingers. "I've always loved you," he whispered. "It's always been you."

_Even when I tried to bury it._

Her laces finally untied, Ben glided his palms slowly up Rey's arms to her shoulders, leaving goosebumps in their wake as he slid her loosened dress from her shoulders, letting it puddle at her feet. Then he stepped back, his tongue poking out to wet his lips as he took her in. Teb had presented Rey with a new set of undergarments to wear underneath her dress that were so incredibly fancy and impractical that Rey at first had tried to refuse them, telling Teb that her regular underwear and camisole would be fine. But Teb had insisted, informing her that the lacy camisole and panties were part of something she called a trousseau, and that Rey just needed to trust her.

And if Ben's nearly bulging eyes were any indication, Teb had been right once again.

"Oh my—oh my _stars,_ Rey," Ben stuttered, tentatively cupping her breasts in his hands. "You—you're—well… you're just indescribable!"

Before Rey could respond Ben had claimed her lips again, his hands slipping down her sides to her bum to pick her up and carry her towards the bed, laying her gently down on the lightly perfumed sheets. He quickly kicked off his shoes and tugged his shirt over his head before crawling up to hover over her, his beautiful brown eyes nearly blown black.

"You're exquisite," he whispered as he trailed his fingertips down Rey's cheek and neck to her chest, brushing his thumb across her nipple peaking through the thin lace of her camisole. Her breasts had grown a bit with her pregnancy, something that Ben had pointed out while they were still on Ajan Kloss, during their rather frantic lovemaking session following his verdict.

" _Ben,"_ Rey whimpered, each gentle touch of his fingers sending hot spikes of pleasure through her body. "Ben, _please!"_

"I'm here, my angel," Ben murmured as he slid the camisole off over her head, tossing it somewhere onto the floor. His lips found hers again, the kiss hard and demanding as he teased her nipples with his fingers before kissing a trail down to her breast. Rey moaned as he flicked his tongue across her right nipple before closing his lips around it, her fingers tugging on his hair as he kissed a path to her other breast and his hand slid down her front to slip beneath the waistband of her panties.

"Oh my Rey," Ben groaned against her breast as his fingers found her soaked and throbbing centre. "Sweetheart, you're _dripping!"_

"That's how badly I want you," Rey said, her breath hitching as two of Ben's long fingers slowly slid inside her. "Please!"

But instead of giving her what she needed Ben withdrew his fingers, his lips curling into an almost feral smile as he slid the small scrap of lace covering her down her legs, drawing her legs apart as his lips trailed down her sternum to her belly, which was also a bit fuller than her usual, her pregnancy just beginning to show.

"I want to taste you first," Ben whispered as he settled himself between Rey's legs, drawing them up so her feet were resting on his shoulders. Rey's entire body went tense, her fingers fisting into the sheets as she waited for the first swipe of his tongue over her centre.

"Ben!" she cried to the ceiling as Ben nuzzled and licked her heated flesh, one hand burying itself into his thick hair as his hands slid down to the backs of her thighs, holding her in place. It never failed to amaze Rey just how well Ben could read her, how well he could follow the cues of her body to know exactly how to please her. Ben's lips and tongue were relentless, and Rey was so thoroughly aroused that it only took a moment or two for her thighs to start shaking and her back to arch up off the bed as she shattered against his mouth, crying out her pleasure against the stately walls of his ancestral home. Tears dripped from Rey's eyes as the pleasure ribbons slowly subsided, her limbs wonderfully languid as she wondered how she ever once believed that she could bear to live without him.

Ben was her soulmate. The other half of her dyad.

And now, he was also her husband.

_Two that are one._

"Yes, my angel," Ben whispered as he kissed his way back up to Rey's mouth, gently brushing her tears away as he settled in next to her. "I will always be with you."

"Then be with me now," Rey said once she'd regained some semblance of sensation. She slid her hands down the strong planes of his back, slipping them under his waistband to squeeze his round backside as Ben let out a soft growl, thrusting lightly against her thigh.

"Need you inside me now," she murmured as Ben fumbled to remove his trousers, finally kicking them off. "Please."

Ben gave a nod, curling his fingers around her neck to guide her lips to his. His fingertips trailed up and down her back as they explored each other's mouths, until Rey's patience came to an end and she shifted so Ben was on his back and she was straddling him. Ben's hands quickly moved to her hips, lifting her slightly as she took hold of his hard and leaking cock, her eyes fluttering closed as she slowly took him in.

_Two that are one._

"Rey," Ben rasped through clenched teeth once he was fully inside her. "Sweetheart, you feel fucking incredible!"

"Oh, Ben!" Rey said on a whimper, biting her lip at the intensity of their combined pleasure as she rolled her hips slightly. "Ben, you feel so good, I—"

"I'm the luckiest man in the galaxy," Ben whispered as Rey planted her palms on his chest and began to move in earnest, her climax already building as she sensed Ben's pleasure across the bond. Ben's teeth caught on his bottom lip as his hands trailed up and down her body. "You're so beautiful, Rey, I love seeing you like this!"

"Ben," Rey moaned, the coil in her gut winding tighter and tighter as her fingernails dug into Ben's shoulders. "Ben—!"

Suddenly Ben tensed his abs and sat up, one arm curling around Rey's waist as he buried his face into her neck. "I can feel that you're close, sweetheart," he said as he slid his free hand down between them to touch her, causing her to shudder. "That's it, my angel, come for me! I want to feel you!"

"Ben!" Rey cried as the coil snapped and pleasure tore through her body, pulling Ben over the edge only a couple of seconds later. She felt his tears on her neck as he cried out his release, his lips leaving sloppy, open-mouthed kisses on every bit of flesh he could reach as his heart thudded against her chest, beating in tandem with hers.

_Two that are one._

"I love you. I love you so much," Ben whispered as he carefully laid them down, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of her nose before tucking his head under her chin. Rey stroked his hair with her fingers, something she knew Ben adored as he nuzzled further into her arms.

"I love you too," she murmured. Then she pressed a kiss to the top of Ben's head and closed her eyes, reveling in the closeness and peace they shared, and everything they had endured in order to get there.

Ben had been a son, a Padawan, a Sith apprentice, a Supreme Leader, and now, a scholar, husband, and father-to-be. Rey had been an orphan, a scavenger, a stowaway, a Padawan, the girl who destroyed the Emperor, and now, a wife and mother-to-be.

And they were both _free._

 _Hope was never dead,_ she thought. _It was always in front of us._

~~~~~

_**Approximately seven months later.** _

The moon was still high in the sky as Rey detangled herself from Ben's arms and slowly hoisted herself up from the bed, one palm pressed against the underside of her round belly as she made her way to the fresher for the third time in as many hours. Her Mirialan midwife, Adria, who had been recommended to them by Ben's boss at the bookshop, had explained that that was normal during the final weeks of pregnancy but Rey still found it annoying. Especially since it took her a good five minutes to roll herself over and get up from the bed.

"Are you all right?" Ben asked once she was finally upright, opening one bleary eye.

"Yes, I'm fine," Rey whispered. "Just your son dancing on my bladder again. I'll be right back."

She made her way through the darkened cabin mainly by feel, having finally grown used to its new configuration after she and Ben had finished all of their upgrades. At Rey's insistence they had contracted out most of the work, only taking care of a few things themselves as their time permitted. With Ben's increasing workload at the bookshop—he was even set to start teaching a class three times a week on ancient writing styles soon—and Rey wanting to devote most of her time to making repairs and upgrades to the _Falcon_ as well as her flourishing vegetable and herb garden, she figured that hiring experts in the construction and finishing of houses would be a worthy investment.

And what an investment it had turned out to be. Their formerly tiny, one-room home was now a larger two-bedroom home complete with two small freshers, one of which boasted a bathtub big enough for both her and Ben to fit inside, even in her current state.

Rey had been thoroughly enjoying that bathtub, especially in the last couple of weeks or so as her hips and lower back had become quite sore, again completely normal from what Adria had informed her.

Finished in the fresher, Rey carefully lowered herself back onto the bed, smiling in contentment as Ben curled his long body around her. He had been so attentive of her during her pregnancy, almost too much so at times, although Rey had never dared to tell him as such. The look of horror she'd seen on his face the time he'd discovered her dangling precariously from one of the upper scaffolds in the _Falcon's_ main engine compartment, trying to replace a burned-out part at seven months along was still fresh in her mind. She had been completely in control of herself, even using the Force to help keep herself balanced, but she supposed that it hadn't appeared very safe from Ben's perspective.

She had been maintaining her skills with her lightsaber as well, figuring the movements helped to keep her muscles supple. Most mornings she and Ben headed out to their cleared training area after breakfast to go through their exercises, the flashing golden and green blades a rather interesting light show for the birds and other forest animals surrounding them. The crystal that Ben had recovered from the bottom of the pool on Ahch-To had been the largest that either of them had ever seen, long and wide and green in colour, and Rey adored seeing their two blades twirling side-by-side as they trained, the low, melodic hum they formed such a sharp contrast to the way Ben's former unstable, rather warbly blade had clashed against Anakin Skywalker's saber when wielded by Rey.

Since Ben had decided long ago that he would never duel with Rey again, not even as a training exercise, side-by-side it was.

Rey had just managed to get herself somewhat comfortable when she felt a sudden sharp pain in her belly, starting along its underside and radiating around to the front. She let out a soft groan; Adria had warned her of what she called "practise contractions" as well, and Rey had experienced several of those over the last few days that hadn't felt very practise-like.

And neither did this one. Rey grimaced as she wiggled her palm underneath her tight belly, pressing her fingertips over the sorest spot as she tried to breathe in slowly and evenly.

"Rey?" Ben said as he propped himself up on his elbow. "Sweetheart, are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine—" Rey began, just as the pain began ramping back up. She squeezed her eyes closed, forcing herself to keep her shoulders relaxed as she breathed through it just as Adria had taught her.

"You don't seem like you're fine," Ben said, wide awake now as worry radiated from him in waves. "It seems like you're in a lot of pain."

"I said I'm fine, Ben, I just—" She was cut off by yet another contraction, this time so strong that it nearly stole her breath.

"Actually, on second thought, I think that maybe—"

"I'm going to call Adria," Ben said as he threw off the blankets, stumbling slightly as he headed for the communications station he had personally installed in one of their kitchen cupboards. Rey attempted to pull herself up to stand as Ben frantically spoke to her midwife, intending to walk over to the birthing pallet that they'd finished preparing only the day before when she was struck again by yet another contraction.

"Ben!" she rasped, pursing her lips against the pain. "Seems like he's in a bit of a hurry!"

"Okay, she's on her way," Ben said as he hurried back to her side, reaching for her elbows as she attempted to stand again on her wobbly legs. "Sweetheart, please, just let me help you!"

Before she could even answer Ben had swept her into his arms, carrying her over to the pallet covered in disposable pads and blankets and setting her down just as yet another contraction hit.

"Oohh," Rey muttered through clenched teeth as Ben settled in behind her, her back against his chest as he worked his fingers into her tight fist. "Ben, this—this isn't at all what I expected, it's—"

"It's all right, sweetheart," Ben said, his calm voice belying the intense nervousness Rey sensed from him. "It's going to be all right." He ran his free hand through his disheveled hair before grabbing one of the containers of water they had stashed near the pallet. "Here. Adria said that it was important to stay hydrated."

With a single nod Rey took the container, managing to swallow one or two sips of water before her belly began to tighten again. Her fingers clamped down around Ben's as she leaned forward, trying to visualise the pain as a tool rather than a hindrance and calling on the Force to help her stay calm. Millions of women across the galaxy gave birth every single day, and if they could do it, then Rey certainly could as well.

The loud knock on their front door distracted her a bit from the next contraction as Adria suddenly swept into the house, her medical kit tucked under her arm.

"How far apart are the contractions?" she asked as she grabbed Rey's wrist, checking her pulse.

"Less than two minutes," replied Ben, only slightly wobbly. "And they seemed to just come out of nowhere. Rey was fine until about fifteen minutes ago."

"I was relatively fine," corrected Rey. She hadn't felt completely fine for a couple weeks now. More like an overgrown bantha.

Adria smiled as she patted Rey's hand. "It won't be long, my dear. This one seems like he's in a hurry to join us."

"Typical Solo," Rey muttered as she squeezed Ben's fingers so hard she felt his knuckles pop. Even with the support Ben was giving her across their bond the pain was still increasing with every contraction, which Rey desperately hoped meant that it would all be over soon.

"All right, Rey, it's time to push now," Adria said after three more contractions had passed, all building on top of the other until she could barely keep from crying out. "Ben, when she tells you she's ready you'll help her to sit up, all right? It will be much easier that way."

"Of course," Ben replied. He brushed a quick kiss across Rey's temple as he placed his free palm against the small of her back. _You're so strong, sweetheart, and I love you so much,_ he sent across the bond. _I wish I could take all of your pain away._

 _No,_ Rey stated firmly. She squeezed her eyes closed as the contraction began and Ben pushed her slightly forward. _You've experienced enough pain for three lifetimes. I can handle this._

"That's wonderful, Rey, you're doing great," Adria said once the contraction had passed. "One or two more and I think he'll be here."

"One or two more," Rey murmured as Ben sponged her sweaty forehead with a damp cloth. He planted another kiss to her cheek, his fingertips massaging soothing circles on her back.

"He's almost here, sweetheart," he said. "We're going to get to meet him so soon—"

"Aahh!" Rey growled as the strongest contraction she'd felt yet slammed into her like a blaster shot. She leaned forward, bearing down with every bit of her strength as Adria reached her hands beneath her sleeping dress.

"He's almost here, Rey, just a few more seconds!" she said excitedly. "Keep going!"

"Ben!" Rey cried, her fingers so tightly locked around his they felt frozen in place. "Ben, I'm—I'm—!"

She was cut off by the piercing howl of a newborn, and she collapsed back against Ben's chest as Adria's expert hands grasped their brand-new son, giving him a quick once-over before setting him on Rey's chest and covering him with a blanket. Tears poured from Rey's eyes as she cuddled him close, his sharp cries fading into quieter whimpers as Ben's hand cupped his tiny head.

"Is he—is he—?"

"He's perfectly healthy, Ben," Adria said proudly. "And as beautiful as I've ever seen."

"Yes. Yes, he is." Ben sniffed, a single tear rolling down his cheek as he leaned over to kiss his son's forehead. "Hey there, little one," he murmured. "Oh Rey, he's—he's just so beautiful!"

"Of course he is," Rey said. She trailed her fingertip across his pale, round cheek, sputtering in laughter as he curled his tiny hand around it. His shock of dark hair was only a shade or two lighter than Ben's, his tiny ears and lips near copies of his daddy's. "He looks just like you."

Ben sucked in a shaky breath, brushing his lips across hers in such a tender kiss that Rey's heart nearly burst.

"Thank you, sweetheart," he whispered. "You're—you're just amazing. I love you so much."

"I love you too," Rey murmured. She leaned forward for another quick kiss before returning her attention to her precious newborn lying in her arms.

Her son. Her beautiful baby boy.

Rey was a _mother._

"Tai Solo," she said softly, her lower lip quivering as Tai's beautiful brown eyes locked with hers, looking up at her in wonder.

"Except he's not," Ben murmured. "None of us are. Not anymore."

Rey gave a nod, her smile so wide that her cheeks ached. Ben was absolutely right.

"No, we're not."

_You're not alone._

_Neither are you._

Their family name may be Solo, but they never would be again.

Hope was always in front of them. They had only needed to find it.

* * *

_**Stop by and see me on tumblr, I’m[geeky-writes](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geeky-writes) and [geekys-starwars](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/geekys-starwars%20) there! 😊 ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I can’t wait to hear what you think! Please don’t forget to hit the kudos button and leave me a comment! 💖 
> 
> And keep an eye out, I’ll be posting more Reylo stories in the near future! 😊


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